Since I was young I have always been told “you are awfully mature for your age”. And that was simply because of the hand of cards I have been dealt in life. Each of us is dealt a hand and what sets us apart isn't the cards we are holding, it’s the way we play them. I know this isn’t easy TRUST ME I have thrown one too many pity parties of my own because you know what? Sometimes life is just hard and unfair and a pity party seems very appropriate. But at the end of the day when I look back at the things that were rough, and excruciating I can now see the beauty in the struggle. The silver lining or lesson or whatever you want to call it is there, it’s just often hard to see before you are standing on the other side of it. Each moment, person, and struggle has shaped me so immensely and even though I didn’t like going through most of it, they are each a puzzle piece needed for me to become who I am today. I am a fuller picture because of it.
Thank you to the dad who didn’t stay.
This was my first unfair card in life and as I’ve grown I notice how that absence of my dad effects me. Sometimes it stings in the small moments like seeing my friends with their dads and sometimes it hurts in the big moments wondering who will walk me down the aisle one day. Finding the lesson in this one was hard for me but it’s always been sitting there staring me right in the face. It made me realize that no one does things out of obligation, loving someone is a choice. Everything you do in life is a choice. Choose wisely.
Thank you to my broken heart.
Heartbreak. Sometimes just looking at the word is enough to send an ache throbbing through my body. And it sucks. Truly it’s awful and I wish no one had to experience the moment when they realize emotional pain is worse than physical, but I think it’s necessary. Loss teaches us so much. I realized a lot about myself through heartbreak, the biggest being a boy isn’t meant to complete you, but compliment you in the best of ways. And I’m grateful to my first love for the good and the bad because through it all I learned how to love better. Hearts are fragile handle them gently.
Thank you to my depression.
No one is proud of sharing their not so shiny parts of life, but I am learning to be proud of mine. My sadness and anxiety taught me how to push back and fight for what I wanted. It taught me how to find victories in everyday things even if that day it was getting out of bed. Most importantly it taught me how to be empathetic. I used to feel like I should apologize for the way my mind over thinks things but being able to take a moment and think about how someone really feels is humbling. And I’d like to think this has made me a kinder and more understanding person.
Thank you to my insecurity.
Everyone is insecure about something. It’s dangerous and if you let it, it will destroy you. It will convince you that you are not enough, that you are unlovable, and you are asking too much out of life. These fears are heavy and a burden to carry. But I am thankful because it has taught me to lean on something bigger than myself. It has shown me that I am capable of every aspiration that’s bursting inside of me. My insecurity taught me that the most important person to believe in myself is me.
Going through each of these things I never saw the good, but here I am standing on the other side thankful for them. And realistically there are many more cards to be dealt. Some painful, some rewarding, some moments you’ve been waiting for your whole life, but I promise you every singe one is part of them is a puzzle piece perfectly made for you.
