Dear Bae,
I just want you to know that I know exactly what you're going through. I know that is so cliché and you hear it all the time. But I really do. We never want to admit that we're in that stage with a guy. You know, the one where you're "talking" but you know that there are other girls he's doing the same things with. Or maybe you're the only one, but you've been in that stage for a while and you're still just a "friend." Maybe the quotation marks are excessive or too 'hinty' but they are definitely necessary.
If you've related this far, and you're still reading, then this letter is for you. There is a really good lesson/quote in that cheesy movie, He's Just Not That Into You.
" You're not the exception, you're the rule."
It's funny how we read that and maybe we find ourselves in denial. But the truth is, that quote IS the truth. You will NOT be the one girl to change the bad boy and make him fall head over heels for only you. Especially if he's stringing you along and keeping you stagnant in the "talking" stage.
We all dream that when we text him late and night and he asks us to come over that we're the only one he wants to cuddle with. The harsh reality is that if you say no then he most likely has another text ready to send to Bae #2.
If you're thinking "at least i'm number one" then you're silly. That is NOT good enough. You are worth so much more than being the first in a lineup. You are the main attraction and the only attraction and you should be treated that way.
Do you know what you're doing to your self image while you voluntarily stay in the "talking" coma with twisted dreams of becoming his "one?" You are damaging your self worth more than you can imagine. You're convincing yourself that you have to give a little more or be a little more of what he wants. These are lies. You need a guy who wants you exactly the way you are. Who builds your self esteem and makes you absolutely sure that you're worth his time.
Now the biggest question is, how will you ever notice when the good guy shows up to try to get to know you if you're too busy breaking your own heart for the jerk? Exactly. You'll miss out. And yes, you are choosing to break your own heart by waiting for that jerk. In fact, you're so busy breaking your own heart that you won't see the good guy coming at all. Chances are you've probably missed a few good guys while you were waiting for that 3am "come over" text from the guy who calls you "bae."
Maybe you had a good guy but then the jerk butted his way back in and gave you a drop of hope, so you ran after it. Educate yourself in douche-bag-ology and stop lying to yourself. That guy is not worth it. I repeat, that guy is not worth your time, your tears, a drop in your self esteem, your anger, your cell data or sleep. So do yourself a favor and delete him off of social media, block his number, cut off that wanna-be casanova and BE HAPPY.
So you're definitely not the exception for this jerk, but why would you want to be?
Wait for the guy who wants to take you out on a date! The guy who holds doors and makes it clear that he's interested in you. Because THAT GUY is worth your time. I mean, it'll be pretty obvious that he wants everyone to know that you're worth his.
You can do it. I believe in you.
Xoxo,
Former Side Bae, Current ONLY Bae, the best friend you never had
(AB)
