I live my life as if I am Alice falling down the rabbit hole, yet at no time do I reach the bottom. I am endlessly spinning towards nothing. As any young child, just like any child, I would twirl around and around in circles until I felt too dizzy to stand. Only the difference for me was that the sensation slowly worsened until one day in the third grade the world never stopped whirling. This is my story of fear and loss, but most importantly personal growth.
I constantly feel as if the room I'm in and everything inside of it is rotating in different directions; as if the floor is about to crumble from underneath my feet. There are days when I can’t walk or talk straight. I use to feel as if I would never be normal, never would I be able to ride a rollercoaster or simply stand in a crowded hallway without becoming dizzier and dizzier to the point where I crumble- falling to the ground unable to move. . There are a lot of days I need my dad, brother, sister, or a friend to help me walk when I am simply too dizzy to stand on my own. It’s a scary thing when your world is not stable and you don’t really have any good friends to talk to about it, but i have an amazing famous it, one God blessed me with fully knowing I would need the support. I will continue to live my life in a spinning world. I wake up nauseous everyday, due to the increase of dizziness caused from sitting up after a long night of laying down. Throughout the day, it’s necessary for me to sit up slowly, turn my head carefully, and walk straight to lessen the chances of becoming dizzier than what is my “normal.” There are many other things that I am not able to participate in as in effect as well, such as riding a bike, swimming, or team sports. I also struggle to have a full night’s sleep, ride in boats, standing or walking in crowded places, going to amusement parks.
Being dizzy has shaped me to live my life in a way that forces me to push back the obstacles and simply keep going, everything I do is affected by and affects my vestibular issue. In all honesty being dizzy scares me to no end, there are days I sit and cry because I have no idea where I am or what is actually moving in circle after circle. However, that does not mean have I chosen not to live a full life. I believe that if someone works hard enough to achieve their goals and overcome obstacles, then they will succeed. I also believe that someday I will find myself landing in wonderland, finally landing from this great whirling fall.