I don't hate myself. I just simply don't love myself the way I should. My life seems to be filled with "not enough." I'm not pretty enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not outgoing enough. I'm not skinny enough. But then what am I? Honestly, I don't feel like anything. I feel like nothing.

People don't get it. I'm different. Yes, I am me and I should be happy with that and I am. But I just can't seem to see myself the way some of my friends see me. I'll look in the mirror and see someone who needs a flatter stomach. Who needs to change her thighs. Who needs to change these little things about herself in order to be beautiful. In order for people to love her all the while forgetting she needs to love herself first.

Everyone has different reasons for not loving themselves. Mine are simple. I'm never the first choice. People see me and don't instantly want to talk to me and get to know me. I was hurt from friendships to relationships. I let little things get to me and I let it eat away at me constantly.

Do I get compliments? Of course I do. But when I do, I just end up thinking about it all day and I try to understand why this person thinks I'm beautiful. Are they seeing something I don't see? Yes, I appreciate the compliments. Who wouldn't? But it's hard to accept them when you don't agree with them.

What people don't understand is that I'm always bringing myself down. I don't choose to do this, I just automatically think of myself in a negative way. I should fix my smile. I should fix my hair. I should fix the way I dress. I should fix the way I eat. My life is filled with ways to "fix it." Ways to make myself better for people and for myself.

I am always comparing myself to other people. Seeing how people look better than me. I try to understand what I can do so others can like me the way they like other people. But I need to realize I will never be like other people. I can't act like them. I can't look like them. I can't be them. I can only be me and it's hard for me to do that when I don't like the person I am today.

I don't love myself completely and, honestly, I don't think I ever will. It's something people and myself will have to understand. It's hard for me to love myself when I feel broken, not good enough and sometimes incomplete. I'm still trying to find myself and figure out who I am and who I'm meant to be.

I will never be perfect. I will never be the kind of girl I want to be. But in order for people to see me the way I want them to, I have to love and accept myself first. I need to stop putting myself down and instead bring myself up. I'll never love myself completely but I can love myself better than anyone can. It's hard to love yourself when you don't see anything worth loving. I tell people to love themselves but I should love myself first. Everyone should.