For many years, I have struggled with not feeling good enough and comparing myself to others. I’m constantly asking myself, what am I doing wrong? How can I do/be better? Some people may say this is a good thing, and sometimes it can be. But these feelings of inadequacy can leave me feeling worthless at times like I’m not measuring up. Like maybe something’s wrong with me, and I’m never going to get anything right.
I usually don’t open up about this for fear of appearing weak or whatever else. But this isn’t about self-pity; it’s a war cry for self-love.
Most days, I am fine. But some days I feel useless or simply just not enough, and this feeling can be so crushing that I can’t breathe normally. I’m finally ready to seriously put all my effort into ending these feelings. I want to let myself be enough, no questions asked.
It’s getting better. But I still have rough days where I feel like I’m messing everything up and that I can’t fix anything. I’m very hard on myself—my grades, my writing, my choices, and my appearance. I feel like I’m chasing perfection—something that’s obviously impossible. So I’ve decided that I can’t keep doing this to myself. I need to take a step back, take a deep breath, and let everything just be as it is.
In other words, no more putting myself down—no more body hate, no more freaking out about if I said something wrong, no more worrying about if I’m on the “right path.” Trying to be more confident in myself is a difficult process.
I will have bad days where I pick out every flaw on my body and can’t bear to wear anything but a sweatshirt. I will have moments where I get really quiet because I’m over-analyzing something I did and at times I will be frustrated because I can’t seem to reach my own ridiculously high expectations. Some days I will be constantly comparing myself to others.
But I know that everything will turn out okay. One day I won’t have to work on being confident, and I will just be me. No apologies, no negative self-talk, and no more staying quiet like I have been. I have much more faith in myself this time around.
The process will be tough, but it’s becoming apparent to me that I need to force this negative talk aside. I know I’m not alone with this, like how I used to feel. I used to look around and wonder if people just didn’t even think about the effort it took to be completely confident in everything they did. But now I’m aware of how becoming confident and becoming the person you want to be takes a lot more work than people let on.
One day I’m not going to worry about if others like me, or if they liked what I wrote, or if people think I’m smart or not. Because in the end, the only thing that will matter to me is how I see myself and if I’m content with the image I see.
I am enough.