We’ve all been there. Maybe you’ve been flirt-texting for the past couple weeks. Maybe you’ve hooked up once or twice but you haven’t talked of something more. Maybe you both like each other but aren’t ready for an official relationship. This is what a lot of people call, “It’s Complicated.” While a bystander may say, “Well, are you dating or are you not? It isn’t a difficult question,” I don’t think it’s always cut and dry. Unless you have had the official conversation and both want to try something more serious, it’s complicated.
For me, I allow self-consciousness and overanalyzing create the complexity. I may see him talking to someone attractive at a party, or he might not text me for a few days and then I reread every message I sent to see if there were any that threw him off, any that made him think I was weird or not worth it. And frankly, it’s so tiring. I hate overanalyzing every move I make. I hate comparing myself to every girl he talks to and every girl he’s ever dated. I tend to allow the uncertainty of the relationship to get to my very core.
And I see this in my friends, too. They’ll send me screenshots of conversations to carefully plan what to say next, cautious not to sound too "desperate" or "weird." They don't have fun at parties because they keep looking to see if the other person is watching them dance, and I'll hold them as they cry that the person hasn't texted back or when he/she started seeing someone else.
I think the key to casual relationships is to always hold onto a part of yourself and not let it slowly erode in the carefully timed, “Hey, what’s up?” and the agony over what to say next or what to say when you see each other in class. I’m not saying you should venture only into serious and committed relationships. Those can be unhealthy sometimes, too. What I am saying is that if you’re going to give away your confidence and time to someone, make sure they’re in it for real. If not, don’t give them power they aren’t earning. You can like them and have fun, and you can keep seeing each other; just don’t let it dictate your happiness and how you see yourself. You have to think to yourself that whatever happens in the end, whether you end up "officially" together or you eventually drift apart, it was nothing that had to do with you. You’re still you, probably awesome and attractive and interesting — the stars just weren’t in the right place for it to happen with that person, and that’s OK.
