As the new school year starts, I find myself thinking about you and how much had changed in the span of a few short years. Our friendship had turned from just friends to something unexplainable and back to being just friends again, all in the span of a year. You always had girls hanging off your arm because you were the “big man on campus.” You showed interest in me, and I always turned you down. I never wanted to be one of the girls that were with someone just because of who they were. But, there was just something about you and your persistence, and I thought why not give you a chance.

We became close, but I knew I never had all of you. You needed sex and I didn’t want to be another notch on your belt. I told very few people about the time we spent together. You were so nice and different from the person that I thought you were, different than whom you pretended to be in front of everyone else. I told you things that I’ve only shared with one other person, my best friend. I confided in you when I felt like I had no one else. You made me feel things I’ve never felt before. I’m not a girl who has feelings. I’ve avoided them for the majority of my life. It took me months to admit to myself that I had feelings for you and even longer to admit it to my friends. I never told you how I felt and now I never will.

After you started getting distant, I started to re-examine our “friendship.” You called me your best friend but I never felt that way. I didn’t realize it for a while, but our friendship was one sided. I did everything you asked with no questions. I did nice things for you because I do that for people I care about. You moved away, and that gave me an even better perspective.

You never wanted me. You wanted the challenge that I presented. I fell for you like every other girl before me even though I tried not to. You kept me around when the rest of your “girls” weren’t around. You may not see it that way but that’s what it was. I was the one girl who wouldn’t play your games or wouldn’t change myself to make you want me more. I never asked for commitment or about any of the other girls. I let you do whatever and left the door open for whenever you decided to come around.

You have someone now, and you’re happy. I’m glad that you’re happy now. You deserve it. We can’t be friends right now. My feelings are still there and I’m still hurt. I told you I would never sleep with you and I’m glad I kept my word. I’m glad because I never had you.