Recently, I encountered an article written by Dave Hon on an earth-shattering proclamation: He staunchly refuses to ever again date a feminist. His reasons for doing so are, frankly, complicated; essentially, he feels feminism has turned into man-hating. Men are no longer being fairly treated, women’s role in society has improved while men’s has stagnated or even declined in possible reaction to said improvement, etc. He even has hyperlinks to relevant studies and articles as evidence – there is even an infographic, for Pete’s sake! Now, I have some very strong feelings in reaction to this article, so much so that I’m writing one of my own; however, I write this not to criticize him or his ideas, but to explain my own perspective.
Bluntly, I’m a feminist. A very, very proud and ardent feminist, trying to incorporate elements of gender equality into my everyday life. Am I a perfect feminist? Absolutely not, and my privilege is something that pains me. Having said that, I try to do what I can and strive to be as strong a proponent of feminism as I possibly can be – women’s rights are human rights and human rights are women’s rights, as my girl Hillary so eloquently put it 21 years ago.
As such, I have some strong reactions to Hon's ideas, not just because they come off as myopically narrow-minded, but because he sounds like an angry white man. Much has been made of the angry white man in recent months, largely due to their present clout in the electorate (unsurprisingly, angry white men, by a huge margin, prefer the angry white man candidate). Now, I'm not trying to ridicule or harass Mr. Hon. In fact, I actually appreciate his ideas – regardless of whether or not one agrees with them, he still published his thoughts and feelings despite likely knowing he'd face an intensely strong backlash – because of how they're emblematic of larger issues in our society.
The longer humans exist, the more diverse and equalized we get. Groups that were once on the fringes of society are now gradually working their way to the forefront. Different genders and races and ethnicities and religious ideologies and countless other new identities are slowly but surely strengthening thing their voices and clamoring for rights they previously did not have (sole underprivileged groups are even working together, in a truly beautiful microcosm of the good humanity can do when it comes together). That's progress, pure and simple and it's lovely. However, when one or several groups progress, the group(s) that had previously been at the forefront are now being asked to share the spotlight; in this case, the group that spent literal centuries at the forefront, in our US society, is straight white men. Some of us have no qualms about sharing the spotlight, maybe even encourage it and think that it's way past time that straight white men no longer be at the forefront; others, I'm afraid, have a harder time with it. They feel they're being pushed aside as if they no longer matter and have damaged to society. They feel that something they once held sacred and resolute is no longer. This hurts them and they may start to lash out. Maybe it's by angry sentiments, either online or in-person; maybe it's by voting for a presidential candidate who agrees with their ideals and they think is just like them; or maybe it's by, in Dave Horn's case, writing an article about how you're no longer dating feminists.
Now, I'm not trying to excuse the angry white man (as there are some who are genuinely bigoted and xenophobic and a blight to humanity, though no group should be represented by their lesser members), but I am trying to explain the angry white man. I understand where the angry white man comes from and how he's born. To me, Horn is the perfect example of the angry white man – his place in society is being threatened and he's lashing out, in this instance at feminists. That doesn't make it okay, but it does help us understand.
Having said that, I don't want to use this knowledge to harangue the angry white man, as haranguing doesn't get anyone anywhere. Remember that progress I talked about earlier? That doesn't happen if we sit around calling each other names. Peruse the comments on Horn's article if you wish, but suffice it to say that most aren't constructive, with many ridiculing and persecuting him for his looks or worldview. I'm all for making fun of things, but this crosses the line. Activity such as this only fuels the angry white man's fire. We simply cannot fuel the angry white man's fire. What we should do in occasions like this and to people like Dave Horn is suck out all his fire's oxygen by voicing our opinions civily and decently without assaulting him as a human. In essence, do as Ellen DeGeneres says: Be kind to one another.
