First of all, how dare you? I've spent my day working my butt off and look forward to the part of the night where I can relax and watch 15 episodes of Parks and Rec in a row before I fall asleep, and nothing frustrates me more than when I have to click a button to confirm that I'm still awake and watching.

I can't even begin to express how disappointed I am in you that you even feel the need to ask if I'm still here. Where else would I go? Do you think I would do something productive? Do you believe I would choose to do school work over re-watching a series I've already watched eight times? Do I seem like someone who has better things to do? Because I definitely do, but I chose you and you should be thankful.

I'm kind of hurt you would doubt how much I love you.

I would do anything to spend all day with you. There's nothing I'd rather do than watch the same four shows over and over again, and I seriously can't believe you'd doubt that. What's it going to take to convince you that you're my top priority? I wish I could do something to make you understand how much you mean to me, but you are an internet-based streaming service and you probably hear this from everyone else who also appreciates you.

What's the point in writing this out if I know you're not worried? Am I wasting my time trying to get you to notice how much I appreciate you? What's your deal? I know I should be doing other things and you're just asking if I'm still there so you know that I haven't left and you're not wasting your time and energy on an empty room. I know I've just been going on about how much I dislike that you doubt me, but I need to get my point across.

Yes, I'm still here.

Yes, I'm still watching the same show I've been watching for weeks, if not months.

No, I haven't left to do something else, and yes, I will stay here for a while (until I've fallen asleep and you're trapped on a paused screen until I wake up at 3 a.m. to get a drink).