Growing up, my mom told me that friends are like shoes, you find a great fit for a while but sometimes you outgrow them. When I was in middle school, I didn't like believing that. I didn't want to face sitting alone at lunch. I didn't want to believe that kids could be so cruel. As I time went on I learned that people change and some friends are forever. You can hold onto a relationship all you want, but sometimes it's easier to let it go. It takes a lot less energy focusing on the good rather than the bad.
We've all encountered people who we want to change. We take it upon ourselves to change them. For some reason we accept this ridiculous challenge. I've never been happy with the results. Time after time I find myself wanting to change a person. I hold onto them until it gets to be too much. I've found myself in the same situation on multiple occasions. I'lll excuse their toxic behavior because I don't want to cut them out of my life. I believe that they'll make a change. There have been times where I've trusted my gut and I've regretted it. You can only make excuses for them for so long.
Each person might have their own definition for toxic behavior. I don't think anyone has a clear list written out. A certain behavior might trigger you more than another. If someone is constantly asking for rides, money, or just depending on you far more than you care for you could call that toxic behavior. You have to be the one to set boundaries.
I refuse to be used. There comes a point in any friendship or relationship where it's time to call it quits. There was a friendship that I had where I was consistently playing taxi driver. This friend never gave me gas money or offered anything in return. It got to the point where I couldn't say no to this person because I knew that they would lash out. Looking back at it, I wish I cut them out of my life sooner. It's up to you to make that call. Friends are supposed to be there for each other. If you feel as if your feelings aren't being validated or are being minimized it's time to say goodbye. It's not fair to you to feel as if you're a burden. You're important. Regardless of what they say or how they act towards you, you are so important.
It's never easy letting go. We've all been in a situation where we've had to cut ties with someone or someone has cut ties with us. No matter what the situation is, it's not easy. Sometimes you might feel that you were never enough for them. Maybe you got into a fight and things just weren't worth it anymore. Your opinions might've changed. Maybe they weren't the kind, genuine person you thought they were. If a friend is making you feel small or unimportant, set yourself free. You may find yourself questioning your worth and values, but at the end of the day- your happiness is important.
