We spend a lot of time trying to stay positive, look on the bright side. But bad feelings will come, and the next time they do, take a second to think about why you’re experiencing them. Negative emotions can actually be pretty good for you.
1. Anger
Get mad! It’s good for you. OK, maybe not all the time, and if you find yourself getting over-the-top-mad-till-you’re-red-in-the-face at someone every day, there might be a problem. But in small doses, anger can be the best fuel for doing good. When you get angry at someone or something, it’s almost always because you feel that a thing/idea that you care about is under attack. Now I’m sure that you’re an amazing specimen of a human and you’ve probably never felt anything negative toward another human being in your life, but let’s pretend that you have.
Let’s say your friend Joe did something and it took everything in you not to get up and smack him. What was Joe talking about? Did he insult a belief you hold? Maybe you can take that anger and realize, “Hey I’m pretty passionate about this.” And now take that anger as fuel to go do something about it.
Of course, there are a lot of times we feel anger over pretty dumb things. When you’re stuck in traffic, there’s not much good you can get out of your desire to honk your horn and yell at the person in the car in front of you who for some reason won’t make the car in front of them move faster. So, before you use this emotion as fuel, you might want to take some deep breaths and figure out if your anger really is about something good you should act on. But I’d argue that more often than not it is.
2. Anxiety
Now, in this case, I want to make it clear that I’m talking about anxiety experienced in moments of doubt. The butterflies-in-the-stomach sensation that every human being experiences once in a while. An anxiety disorder is a mental illness that can’t be calmed as easily as the fleeting emotion I’m talking about here.
(If you do have or think you have an anxiety disorder, know that you aren’t alone and that there is no shame in asking for help.)
But when you’re going about your day and run into a situation that creates anxiety for you, before you turn around and run from it, take a moment to think about it. Is this something that you really are excited to do or know that you should do? Sometimes you should listen to a panicky gut feeling because it’s going to get you out of a dangerous situation.
But most of the time this feeling comes when we’re about to do something good. You’re about to go onstage and sing your heart out to become a star; you're about to send in that college application; you're about to say something to stand up for yourself or what you believe in or do something else awesome that you should definitely do. If you listened to the anxiety in one of these moments and ran away, it’d be a real bummer. More often than not, anxiety shows up as that final barrier between you and something you really want to do and know that you should do. Think of the anxiety as a sign that you’re about to do something great.
3. Envy
The ugly emotion of envy can actually be really useful for gaining some clarity in your life. Just like you can learn about yourself by being angry at someone, you can learn a lot from the times you feel envy or jealousy toward someone. No one wants this emotion. It makes us feel like bad people. Especially when it flares up in those all too common moments where someone you really love and want the best for starts telling you about this awesome thing they’re doing.
All you want is to cheer them on and tell them how proud you are, but you find yourself trying to hide these emotions that make you feel gross. Are you a horrible person for being jealous of your friend for winning that award? No, it just means that your human and you’d like to do something awesome too.
That’s why it’s helpful to recognize what you’re feeling and ask yourself why you’re feeling it. Realize that it’s not about the person but about what they’re doing. What’s stopping you from doing it too? If you’re feeling so jealous of it, maybe it’s a sign that you're passionate about it too and should get to work so that you can be feeling awesome right alongside them.
4. Fear
I am not a person who likes to feel scared. I’ve never really understood why people love roller coasters or terrifying films. But I have to admit that those fear-based emotions can be really helpful and maybe we should all try to embrace them. Of course, being scared of the monster dismembering people in the movie is a polar opposite form of fear when compared to the fear of losing your job or failing a course.
The fear from roller coasters and movies is often adrenaline-based and therefore not helpful in terms of insight. But when you think about the everyday things that fill you with fear, you can often figure out areas you need to work on, plus your fear can also point you toward things you care about and really want to be doing.
You're scared of failing because you care about what you’re doing. This is where it’s useful but tricky. Your fear tells you that you care and you’re on the right track. So, in that way you can use it to fuel you. But if you don’t get a hold of it, your fear can overwhelm you and take over. This, in the end, will lead you straight to what you were afraid of in the first place. Afraid of failing that class? Let your fear get a hold of you and you might procrastinate on that final paper and fail the class. But if you get a grip and realize that you’re scared because you care about the class, you can use that as fuel to get to work. This is easier said than done, but really helpful when you do it.
5. Rejection
Rejection is probably an emotion that causes you the above feeling I just mentioned. Rejection is scary. No one wants to experience it — in any form. Experiencing rejection can be healthy every once in a while.
A good way to get a dose of reality and humility. But overall the point I want to make with this feeling is that we shouldn’t actively avoid it. We all spend too much time tip-toeing around trying to avoid rejection. I know I do. And for what? Sure, in the end, I end up not being rejected and feeling OK. But I also end up missing out on a bunch of cool stuff and feeling irked later when I hear someone else talking about this awesome thing they’re doing or they heard someone else is doing.
Then I’m kicking myself for not having taken that risk because doing that thing sounds awesome but I didn’t even give myself the chance to do it! What’s the point of that? If we don’t learn to embrace rejection we will miss out on countless amazing opportunities.