There was a recent article I read discussing how their perspective on gender and sex. It was to the point where the article said that we should conform to the gender roles by sex (boys should play with action figures and girls should play with dolls!).
By the title of this article, you can tell that I obviously disagree with this perspective (Note: that I am not attacking the creator of these articles but rather critiquing their idea). I am just here to add my own perspective on these issues –– my story. Because interestingly enough, my life always surrounded this idea whether I wanted it nor was aware of it.
I am a cis-gender woman of color. So, I do acknowledge the fact that my struggle within gender identity may be different or less complicated than others. However, gender played a big part in my life growing up. As a child, I was always very gender fluid. Meaning, as a kid, I would constantly switch between gender roles.
One point in my childhood, I would have loved to play with Barbies and wear cute pink dresses like girls are supposed to like. Yet, at another point in my childhood, I would have loved to play video games and sports with the boys in my neighborhood. People would label me as a tomboy, but there would always be this negative connotation with this term. Also, the term just didn't quite go well with me.
As I became older, specifically towards my teen years, I felt like I couldn't quite belong anywhere.
In middle school, I felt as if I couldn't quite fit in. I found myself not finding myself in the gender roles that were present there. Girls in my class would talk about makeup and High School Musical, and the boys would talk about sports and Call of Duty. I felt like I couldn't relate to either group at times because either I didn't like it or didn't really care about it. All I wanted to do was draw cartoons and talk about anime.
By the time I was in High school, I was a little bit more confused.
I started understanding myself a bit better. I found people I could relate to on a personal level. I had a good group of friends that loved what I like. Yet, I still felt like I was still different. Unlike most of my friends, specifically the girls, who had similar interests, I found that I liked and aspired to wear what boys wore. I liked how the boys would style their hair and how short it was. I also liked the way they dressed. I would love to wear a full-on suit with a tie and pointed shoes.
Later on in high school (around sophomore year), I started to cut my hair short. At first, it was a short bob. I liked it but wanted to go shorter, so I did. That's when labels started to target me. Friends who were just curious and family who were just confused asked why I was cutting my hair. I argued that I simply just liked it and that long hair was a struggle that I was unwilling to deal with. I received a ton of support with people even saying that I can pull off short hair.
However, some were very assuming and discriminatory. Some would assume I was dealing with problems or even "on the spectrum" (which are both very problematic statements which I will not dive into today).
The further I delve into my curiosity of gender roles in styles, the more comments questioning my identity. All I knew was that I still identified as a woman, but the things I liked or the styles I liked were both considered feminine and masculine. I LOVE the idea of wearing suits and pointed shoes, but I also LOVE the idea of wearing dresses. I LOVE trying a few shades of lipstick, but I also LOVE playing video games. For a while, I felt like I couldn't fit in anywhere. I felt stuck for a long time. Feeling stuck made me feel ashamed like I didn't know who I was and that I was broken in a way.
As time past, I became less stuck. Near the end of high school. I started embracing my more gender fluid way of dressing. I started to wear button up shirts (with some of those shirts coming from the men's section of clothing stores), and it wasn't until senior prom where I finally became confident enough to wear a suit with a bowtie, suspenders, and pointed dress shoes. That is when I knew who I was.
I am simply someone who identifies as a girl but is not prone to conform to gender roles. I am a girl who is very gender fluid in her activities and outfits. I am simply human.
This very thought made me reflect on one idea...
If the ideas of gender in the past was more like today's, I wouldn't be as confused nor ashamed.
I am so appreciative for how accepting today is. I see boys embracing makeup, and girls playing with action figures. There is this push towards not forcing gender roles on people, especially children. If I were a child during this time, I wouldn't feel as isolated nor confused. I would also not feel ashamed of who I am like I was in the past.
And this is why I stand with the lack of gender roles. Sex is not at all related to gender. The sexual organ I was given (by chance) should not determine what I should and shouldn't like. Because in the end, I am me, and this is who I am like many others in this world.
