Ever since I was a little girl, I loved Halloween. I loved decorating my house with window peel-on stickers of ghosts and creating a fake cemetery with my dad in our front lawn. I loved to look through costume magazines from Party City; most times I would decide what I wanted to be many weeks before Halloween day. I loved to wear my costume all around my house preparing for the day to come (I was the cutest Tinkerbell the world has ever seen). To me, Halloween equaled free candy. Free candy equaled a goodie-filled, packed school lunch for months.

But, when I came to college, Halloween changed. I know that it’s not socially acceptable for a 19-year-old to go trick-or-treating, so in that way it changed for me (*tear*). However, I’m referring to a different type of change: one filled with partying and judgement.

Maybe that statement was a bit harsh. But honestly, I don’t think that I want to participate in it anymore. It is pretty much expected of me to come up with an amazing, original, one-of-a-kind costume. So much pressure comes with this decision. Should I dress as a cat because cat ears are cheap at Walmart and I own black clothing? No, probably not because everyone else will wear that. Should I try to use what I own to create a costume? No, not good enough. This is the battle I face during Halloween—it’s not worth it.

And because I have two tests this week, I chose not to participate in Halloween this year. I made this decision so I can do well on my tests, but most the reason was because I’ve been scared away from the idea of potentially having fun due to the requirements that are around Halloween. I guess, maybe, this is a part of growing up. I should realize that I can’t be a kid anymore and that things change as time goes on, but, Halloween is still a holiday for candy, desserts, and most of all: the treats.

After I complete my tests this week, I will be making a trip to Walmart to buy half-priced Halloween candy. The candy itself will never change and neither will the feeling of eating an entire bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Happy Halloween to me.

I am ready to have my own house in a friendly neighborhood and be married and have children. When this day comes, I may finally have the Halloween I have been dreaming about: my family will be dressed as Disney characters, and we will trick-or-treat all night long. Fine, I will let the children have their own candy, but I will sneak a couple of pieces from their bags.

If you are a Halloween-lover, I am sorry if I spoiled your Halloween — I was once a Halloween-lover, too.