The truth is that I have felt worthless and unlovable. I have lost my faith and blamed God for every horrible thing in my life. I have woken up and felt like I didn’t want to live another day. I have felt a sadness so strong that it hits me mid-laugh at three in the afternoon.
The brutal, raw, ugly truth is that I’ve been in a dark, dark place. That I have spoken mean words to people who love me. That at times I have become cold and unreachable and a person I never want to be.
To deny any of the above would only defeat the purpose of writing this. To be honest, I don’t like being vulnerable and I don’t like when I have to talk about my feelings. I’m simply horrible at communicating in this capacity.
But then I thought of my sisters, of my family, of my closest friends. I want them to know that I’m okay. And then I thought of you, the person reading this, and whether or not you’ve ever felt the same way. I want you to know that you aren’t alone, and that you will be okay.
Everyone’s situation is different, but the truth remains the same: there’s a way to be happy. That even the darkest, most brutal and ugliest of truths have a light and beauty to them. So if and when you feel what I have, this is for you.
When you feel worthless and unlovable. The ugly truth is that you’ve been in a relationship that destroyed you physically, emotionally, spiritually. The truth is that you hate yourself, your body, your personality. The truth is that all the concealer in the world can’t cover up the bruises and scars and pain on the inside.
The beauty behind the mess you made with your concealer is that regardless of how you were hurt, you will heal. A lot of acceptance, forgiveness and time goes into this. Allow yourself to feel the hurt and when it’s time to heal, allow yourself to feel that too.
When you’re blaming God. The ugly truth is you see no reason to keep your faith. You no longer see a reason to pray. You look up at the sky and demand to know why God is doing this to you. When you lose a loved one, when you lose an opportunity, when you lose your way.
The beauty remains in the belief that it will get better, that there is a reason, there is a purpose. Keep seeing the best in people, keep loving others, keep praying. Keep your faith unshaken. Whatever that looks like, just keep believing.
When you want it all to end. The ugly, ugly truth is you’re begging God to let you stop living. The truth is that nothing seems worth it anymore. That you no longer see a reason to keep trying, to keep breathing, to keep existing. That everything is just happening to you.
The beauty is that you have a choice. You have a choice to not feel sorry for yourself and to remember who you are and what you stand for. Most importantly you have the choice to ask for help. You don’t have to be the victim to life’s hardships, you don’t have to end your story before it even begins.
It’s easy to hide, to brush off the “What’s wrong?” with an “I’m fine”. It’s hard to admit the truth when you’re one hell of a liar. It’s even harder to accept your darkest truths and turn them into something beautiful. But like I said earlier, it’s more than possible.
I didn’t write this article to attract attention to myself or my own personal struggles, but to draw attention to the simple truth that everyone struggles. My hope is this resonates with someone and encourages them to look up.
“Happiness can be found in the darkest of places, if one only remembers to turn on the light”
– J.K. Rowling
