It is so, so easy to look at a person and make a snap-judgement about how perfect they are or how easy their life is. However, NO ONE has it easy, and it is absolutely impossible to make that type of judgement about a person just by looking at them.
Life can be pretty great.
But more than half of the time, it can be pretty hard.
Do you know those people who seem to have the most perfect life? They are involved in everything, have perfect grades, and still have a great social life. Everyone just LOVES them because they are so cool and never have a hair out of place. Nothing is hard for them because their life is without hardship, struggle, or any real problems at all beyond maybe deciding which party to go to or which top of their amazing wardrobe they are going to wear on a certain day.
Many people like this in the world exist, but here is the thing: they only exist in our perceptions.
That person's involvement and good grades? Well guess what, they probably are running on minimal hours of sleep every night and are crying on the phone to their parents because of all the pressure they are under. Their popularity and large friend group? People probably like them because they are nice, but maybe their friends are talking about them behind their back? Or, maybe they are with these people a lot, but on the inside, they have never felt more alone. Their amazing wardrobe and perfect appearance? They had to work their butt of all summer and during the year to buy these things because they want so badly to put forth a certain image which people expect of them. Their parents do not give them any money for things like clothes so they have to work a job on top of school to pay for them.
It is so, so easy to look at a person and make a snap-judgement about how perfect they are or how easy their life is. However, NO ONE has it easy, and it is absolutely impossible to make that type of judgement about a person just by looking at them. Sometimes, the people who seem to have it altogether are actually the ones who feel the most lost. Between school, family struggles, friend problems, and past issues that continuously come up in a person's memory, everyone is carrying around baggage. It is not necessary to try to pick apart a person's inner thoughts and struggles. However, it is unfair to hold a person in contempt out of jealousy for their outer accomplishments/reputation or also to always tell someone how perfect they are or how easy they have it, even if the comment is meant well.
There is such a stigma in society today that we have to have it all together. Especially for college students, I feel sometimes we put more pressure on ourselves than others do. We do this to make it seem like we are smoothly sailing through life and have everything all figured out. But, on the inside, all of us are panicking because we have absolutely no idea what we are doing half the time. I probably have a breakdown every few weeks (usually about my future and what the heck I am doing with my life) because even though I have a rough idea, I still am not clear on the direction my life is going to take in the next ten or twenty years.
I think there are two key ideas to overcoming this problem:
The first is to realize that it is alright to admit you are not okay. The longer that you bottle up how much you are struggling with something, the harder it will become to bear. You do not need to just give up and shout it to the world, but confide this to your parents or your friends. I would also suggest your pet if you are fortunate enough to see them while in college. My little dog, Mike, is four hours away from me during the school year. Unfortunately, he is not the best confidant when I am not home on breaks. But, just in general, do not worry or stress is you are embarrassed or worried to say these things because it is normal and healthy to vent every now and then and to realize what is holding you back.
The other key thing to overcoming this perfection issue is to not look at it with a self-centered attitude. I know I am sometimes guilty of this, and I have been told my father many times to not "wallow in self-pity." What this means is to not think that you are the only one having problems. It is good to recognize you are having a problem, but when someone else comes to you with a struggle they are having, do not dismiss they with,"oh that must be really hard, but it is nothing to compared to what is going on in my life." I know no one is probably actually that blunt, but I know I am guilty of saying things like this, a fact I am very ashamed of. Your challenge may be more significant than your's, but that does not diminish what they are going through. It is foolish and stupid to argue about how has a harder time of it. Instead, be there for that person, and chances are, they will be there for you.
In this world, all we have is each other, and my goodness, it is necessary to look to the people who care about you. I am one of those people who closes off to other people when they are hurt or going through something, and I have found it does not really help me in any way. Life can be very difficult, but one of the most beautiful things about it is the love and friendship you find with other people. You do not have to go through things along. We all have good times and bad times, but the larger point is that we are in this together. Nothing great is ever accomplished when you only rely on yourself.
