One day my therapist told me, "You are a great actress." It seemed rather random of her to make such a remark, so I asked her to explain. "Until you began to talk about what was heavy on your heart this week, I had no idea how you were truly feeling. You always walk in with a large smile and carry yourself well," she explained.

Indeed, I feel obligated to keep up this reputation of an indestructible, strong young woman. To do so, I put on a smile each morning, dress up, and use energy I may not even have to get through the day. I give my undivided attention to many in need of a friend or listening ear each day. I give advice to others that I myself cannot even follow most days. But that is reality, isn't it? Acting as if everything is alright to make life easier for others, yet wondering why no one ever asks you how you are genuinely doing or sees that your smile doesn't reach your eyes.

Well, I am here today telling you that I practiced wearing a fake smile for so long that people assumed I was one of the happiest people they had around them. Meanwhile, that couldn't have been further from the truth.

When my therapist called me a great actress, a deep pit began to grow in my mind and stomach. I came to the realization that yes, not showing my raw emotions to those around me made life easier for them until I broke, but that's it--I ended up breaking. I wasted so much time acting rather than living. Only to show all those emotions at once when I broke. I had gained nothing from holding all of my emotions back. Everyone ended up worrying in the long run, and repeatedly saying I was "okay," never truly made me "okay." I knew I had to make some serious changes. I knew that I could still be a selfless person, and also have my own dips in life. I don't need to be strong 24/7. What I need is to focus on myself during those times, face the problem, and battle it.

I'm not one for capricious New Year's resolutions, but I am one for hopeful vows. May this be a promise to no one but myself. This time, it's on me to take care of myself, rather than only taking care of others.

I vow to act less and live more, each and every day. Even if it's an off-day, where I am not quite feeling like myself, I will express that.

I'm making this vow because I want my therapist to one day be able to compliment me as a great go-getter, not a great actress.

I'd rather be known for giving my all, accomplishing dreams, and reaching goals, rather than being known as the girl who "could have."

I am going to be the girl who DID.