Before we even begin- I've missed all of you so much. Your support, sharing my work, and feedback has always been something I treasure near and dear to my heart.
But it's been a year. Figuratively, at least.
My last article was too long ago for me to think of, almost long enough to lose grip on how happy it made me. Honestly, after the year we all just went through- I think a lot of us have forgotten what's made us happy. We've lost sight of what inspires us- and that's okay. We're all allowed to take breaks. Sometimes, I even think that we've forgotten how to breathe, and I'm not talking about the natural and unconscious/effortless breaths we all take. I'm talking about those where a smile welcomes themselves between our cheeks, our heads lean back, and we're taking in not only the air, but the emotions that linger in. We're anxious as a species enough, and now we're anxious to turn on the news to see if our kids (or ourselves) will be able to return to some sense of normalcy soon.
We're so anxious to have our lives back, that we're forgetting how to just live.
My last article was removed from a site a while back. I was never told why, and yet it bothered me to my core because it was my best article that my tired fingers had banged out. I was the headliner, on the main page. Seeing my name there and my work on the home page was such a powerful moment for me- I felt that I had done something that many spend their lives working towards- and I had only been working for a few months.
Just as fast as that moment came, it was gone. Literally, it was gone. My article was deleted.
This isn't to bash the site who did it, but to show you how hard it can be to bounce back. The extra anxiety of wondering, "I can't beat what I did before.". How can I want to write when my best work was deleted? How can I redeem myself?
I'll never know if I can, and that's why this is personal. Why do not only I, but all of us doubt ourselves so much? Why do we allow fake barriers that haven't even been faced scare us away from what we're wanting to accomplish?
We're so worried that we're going to fail. Specifically in this article, I'm referring to myself-but I'm sure it's relatable. I was so worried that whatever I wrote was going to be scrolled past, ignored, or laughed at. It probably has been, but what's the point of doing anything if we're (I'm) just going to worry about what others think, or what they say? We've been so hard on ourselves- our work, our passions, our little hobbies that we find pleasure in, to the point where we refuse to do anything outside of our comfort zone.
We've forgotten how to breathe, how to live, how to just be ourselves and enjoy the fine moments of life that do bring us joy, in a world that isn't afraid to steal it.
We all want this to be over. We want to erase the anxieties, the worry, the impatience for the world to return to what we see as normal- but living for the future negates every moment until that speculated future comes. I want to skip to the part where I'm following my teacher's footsteps, with my own family. That day will come, and I refuse to let the days in between go to waste because I was worried too much about tomorrow, instead of trying to make the best of today.