Missing the important milestones in a families' life isn't easy. What a lot of my friends don't realize, I think, is that with all of my extended family living over 3,000 miles away, I miss almost all of what my family goes through, whether it be good or bad.
On May 9th, I woke up to horrible news. My uncle had passed away suddenly while working in his garden. My dad had gone to work normally that morning, not thinking to check the voicemail on our home phone until he was on the train to Chicago. I woke up to him coming home, at 8:15 in the morning, and I knew that something was wrong.
This takes me back to when my grandmother died. She passed away in a car accident on New Year's Eve a few years back, and just like with my uncle, my dad had to wake me up to the bad news.
I'm not saying these incidents alone make my grieve any more than anyone who has lost a loved one. It's the same grief, I think, but the difference is that while many of my friends can drive to their family, even if it takes a few hours, I need to book a plane ticket across the world.
When my dad's mother was dying, while we knew that she was sick and that it looked like she wouldn't recover, we had to make the choice to only send my dad across to England so he could say goodbye. We couldn't afford for my mom to be gone as long as my dad would be, and monetarily, we couldn't afford for my brothers and I to go.
To this day, I haven't said goodbye to her.
As this article is published, my dad is in England for his brother's funeral. He'll be buried on May 23rd in the afternoon, so as I am walking into work, my family will be gathered saying goodbye.
Having family in England doesn't just hurt when we lose someone, but it hurts whenever anything happens.
My cousin is graduating from the Royal Veterinary College this summer. Zoe showed me around Leicester when I visited the other year, and held my hand while I said goodbye to my Nana in the cemetery. I often wonder had we stayed in England, or had my cousins moved here, if they would be like sisters to me.
My aunt runs her own driving school, and she was certified just as I would've started taking lessons.
My uncle is newly retired, and what I wouldn't give to be able to just sit by the sea and listen to him berate the seagulls trying to steal his chips.
I don't think about all of this 24/7, but at times like these, I wonder how life would've been different. My boyfriend's family sees each other almost daily. He babysits his cousins. I can't help but wonder if my aunt would've let me babysit my little cousin, had I been there.
I've asked my parents a few times why they moved. Yes, my dad was offered a position in Wisconsin a year and a half before I was born, but I knew there had to be more reasons than a job to move us away. My dad responded once saying they wanted more options for us than they had.
I understand that, I really do. Some days, I wish things were different. Most days, I live with it. I hope I get to go and visit my family sometime soon.
