Religion is such a difficult topic to talk about. People either talk negatively or positively in a way that they shove it down your throat.

Everyone has a stance on it, whether they are vocal about it or not.

I used to be very vocal about it. To a point, I occasionally talk about God and how much of an impact He has had in my life. It’s true.

I am a member of The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. If you didn’t know, the Mormons. You know the ones with multiple spouses? No, I’m seriously kidding. Don’t believe that.

I’ve struggled with religion all my life. Between all the crazy things going on in my life, in a way religion was something to fill the void. I know God exists. I know He is there for me.

I remember when I was fifteen or sixteen years old, going through one of the worst times of my life hating everything. I really hated everything. We had Mormon missionaries come over all the time to get us to come back to church. My siblings who were young at the time thought they were cool, but my parents at the time wanted nothing to do with the church.

I was against the church because again, I was an angry teenager going through life stuff and I didn’t feel like I belonged. I felt like God hated me for everything I was going through. Honestly, I hated him. So why was I going to go to church and practice this faith when I didn’t have any?

Years later, my family moved and we met Sister Missionaries for the Mormon Church and again, in my head, I was like "no, thank you." I was in a new town, leaving my old friends behind. Church to me was the last thing I needed.

I went back to church due to my dad. I found a purpose again. I found God again and it was great. I felt like, in a way, my life was getting back on track. I had God on my side helping me through everything. It was good.

My life seemed simple. I decided on going to college in Idaho because I would be around people who had the same beliefs as me. That in itself was beautiful. I loved being at a school and in a town where I didn’t have to hide my religion and hide that I was proud to be Mormon.

When I came home from school, my life changed forever. My parents separated and ended up getting divorced. I started to going through numerous health problems. I lost myself and all my faith in God. Why was this all happening at once? No matter how many times I went to church during this time, it didn’t feel right. I felt alone and like I was given up on. I pleaded to God that I needed things to get better for the sake of myself and in some ways it did, but it also didn’t.

I lost most of my friends from school and the closest friends I had went on church missions for eighteen to twenty-four months. I felt disconnected from God and sometimes I still do. I struggle with my faith.

I am writing this to show that religion is something that people need to figure out for themselves. We shouldn’t judge someone because of their faith or lack thereof. I know I believe in God and He works miracles, but right now church isn’t for me. You know what? That is perfectly okay with me.