As many other people may have experienced, I have always been confused when it comes to the topic of “family.” It is a word that has confounded me since I was born. I have jumped from home to home and stuck the word "family" to so many people, but when it came down to it I was wrong. I had this preconceived notion of what a family was supposed to be and forced that on everyone who surrounded me at one point. Sure, there were those who accepted it, but a majority of the time people just distanced themselves. This was especially prevalent all throughout high school when my dad was around less and less. I don't think people understood what I was going through and I didn't know how to explain it to them, so I just sat back and tried not to let the ridicule and hurt get to me.
Lost and alone for so many years with people around me yelling out the word "family" left and right. It was like being on an expedition with a million signs pointing every which way and not having a map. My search became even worse when seeking companionship because I thought maybe if I couldn't find my own family, I could have someone else's; someone who cares. And then I became desperate looking for attention from other males. This is when I got into drugs my freshman year and quit theater, one of my all time favorite passions. I would meet up with men and the rest would be a blur. All in the hopes of filling a void left from the family I so desperately wanted back. Well, I quit when things started to become really dangerous and joined a new club and even moved to a new school. This allowed so many fresh starts and led me to meet so many amazing people. It also opened my eyes to see who actually had my best interests in mind.
That’s when I discovered what family was. It isn't blood relations. It isn't saying “I love you” all the time. It isn't anything except for people coming together and supporting and loving each other. In these moments, I recognized everyone who was my actual family, and it was amazing because I saw more good in myself and in others. It was a beautiful feeling and I hope no one has to feel what I have felt in the past. Ever.
