My entire life, I have always been that quiet, shy girl.
You know the one. The girl who never dared to speak up in class. The girl who was petrified of public speaking because *gasp* people would actually be looking at her and listening to her. The girl that tried her best to make herself easy to overlook.
I had always been very cautious when it came to my social interactions. I was friends with people like me, and I was content with being friends with people like me.
This past year, as a sophomore in college, I decided to go through formal sorority recruitment. I chose to go through, because I felt like there was something missing from my college experience. I wanted to be more involved and active on campus, and joining a sorority seemed, to me, to be the best opportunity to do so.
Even though I had chosen this for myself, the socially anxious, shy girl in me was absolutely terrified.
From the beginning, recruitment pushed me way beyond my comfort zone. I was talking to strangers, sometimes up to three per house, on the first day. I was overwhelmed, and unsure⸺ of myself and of the process. Despite my inner reservations and anxieties, I pressed on.
On the second day, I got to spend more time with the women in each house. I was learning more about what the sorority meant to them, and what it could mean for me one day. Seeing the positive impact on the women I was meeting was encouraging, and ultimately, is what pushed me through day two.
By preference day, I was equally excited and nervous to become a part of an organization that meant so much to so many.
When I showed up to my sorority house the day after bid day for my first meeting, everyone was so happy⸺ to see me, to see new sisters, to get to know us. While it was all very exciting, and I was smiling and enjoying myself, the shy girl in me was still very cautious. I remained cautious, unsure of whether I should, or even could, open up to all these new women in my life.
I think the first step into letting my guard down was meeting my big. From the moment I met Lauren, I knew that she was someone that I would be friends with. As I got to know her, I got to know my sorority too. I began to see how, even though we all seem to be very different and unique from one another, we were all part of something that bonded us.
I was beginning to chip away at my shyness and anxiety a little bit at a time. I was able to talk to different sisters without having to wonder if they would accept me. I was able to become more vocal in my group of friends outside of my sorority. I was able to speak up in class without being scared of shouting a wrong answer.
It had finally solidified in my anxious, shy girl brain that no matter what I did or where I went, I would always have this group of women who supported and cared for me.
I haven't been magically cured of all my social anxiety. I still have moments when it hits and I get nervous. The difference now is that I know when it does, I have a full support system behind me, reminding me that it's okay to fall, but also encouraging me to get back up.
