I've never been the kind of person to waste large amounts of cash on myself. It's only in this past year that my spending has been over $50 a month and it's towards my cat. Her food, litter, treats, and toys. She is the first on my mind whenever I have money to spend. I could waste hundreds of dollars on her without feeling the least bit guilty but I can't spend more than $10 on myself without absolutely hating myself. I have perhaps maybe got 10 small priced items in my hand when I go shopping and by the time I reach the register, I only have 2 or 3. On my walk towards the cashier, I have convinced myself that I don't need what I want. I am not a self indulge person.

Most recently my family went on a trip to Disney and I stayed home. Just the thought of the price caused me to go into a panic and reject a day in the happiest place on Earth. I thought to myself that as long as they come back with a souvenir, I'll be happy. A napkin with the famous mouse outline or a cup. It didn't have to cost anything.

I find myself always being let down at first and then realizing that I have no right to be upset. I can't set expectations on people and then be angry when they don't reach them because that is my fault. All of the decisions I made up to that point was to my own accord and I shouldn't blame others. I take many step backs in an attempt to better understand situations. 9/10 times I realize the situations where I am left upset are caused by my faults to lessening my self-worth. I always say next time I will spend a little more on what I want to like others but I always end up the same way

As a self-challenge, I will attempt to be kinder towards myself and indulge whenever I feel I have earned it. Self-love is important and understanding your worth is a part of it.