My first "relationship," if you can even call it that, began when I was 13. Everything was dramatic and overly romanticized. I thought that was love but honestly, who, at thirteen years old, really knows what love is? I learned a lot about myself from that, good things and bad things. I learned how people work. I may have learned what to do and more importantly, what not to do. But the most important thing I learned was that I was sure of myself. Because you see, I was dating a girl and after it was over I knew that that wasn't a phase.

I guess I should back up and say hi. My name is Drew and I'm bisexual. I'm also demiromantic but that isn't essential to this story, really. This story is about, however, what kinds of oppression and erasure I face being bisexual. Also, I have to tell this tale for those of you who didn't know. I'm not sure if you'll hate me later or understand me better and in all honesty, I don't care. I'm doing this for me. I'm not quite sure if this is truly a secret anymore, but if it was before it certainly won't be now.

Being a cisgender, femme presenting young woman makes it difficult for me to find a place for myself in the world. No, I cannot and will never know the struggles one faces when being trans and I must say I benefit from the privilege of being cisgender. I also cannot say that I've struggled with people accusing me of being less than straight people very often, which, at this point, makes me sad. Being bisexual in straight spaces isn't welcoming. I very much realize that I have straight-passing privilege which means if I didn't tell anyone I was bi, this heteronormative world would never know. So when it comes to coming out to straight people, they usually seem surprised. To which I usually internally roll my eyes.

Then I get the stereotypical answers like, "You don't look gay," or, "That's not real." Some of my other personal favorites are, "Oh it's just a phase, you'll get over that," and, "You just haven't met the right guy yet." However, I must say that there are subtle differences in the cishet girls and guys that I tell. Most of the girls are calm and unaffected, except for the small percentage that is under the impression that I'm suddenly going to fall in love with them.

Meanwhile, the cishet men see it a little differently. Sometimes I'll get the, "Oh I can change that!" mentality. There's also the, "Wait so you're a lesbian?" Not to mention them fetishizing and suddenly assuming all you dream of is threesomes, which I can promise isn't the case. Or then they're suddenly super religious and they tell me, "God didn't intend for that," or that I'm just "greedy." Then I usually just leave or stop replying because I REALLY don't have time for any of that

The funniest thing, to me, is trying to be bisexual in queer spaces because I'm not really sure if I fit in there either. Some of the cis gays try to be fake-inclusive yet they still say biphobic things. Cis gay men and lesbians have this super sense of community.

And the Bi kids like me are kind of like the redheaded step children of the LGBTQ+ community. I feel like they're those kids in high school that run everything and they only let you sit at their table because you've known them the longest, not because they're really your friends. I'm not saying that all of my gay friends are biphobic because they aren't. But some gay people are, and that's absurd to me.

Usually, when you're in a gay space and you tell them you're bi they just say "oh" and then move on to something else. Becuase God forbid I be attracted to a gender other than my own and then invite myself into a gay space. And I've had the pleasure of knowing quite a few lesbians in my life. And I while I really appreciate having them as friends, and more (except the ones that ones that won't date me because I've been with a guy before), they sometimes fail to recognize that we are in fact different. While yes, we both like women we are very different. We have different experiences. We move through the world differently. And your label doesn't fit me.

I just think we need to stop the bi erasure in the community. I feel like sometimes even gay people forget that the B in LGBTQ+ stands for bisexual.

I'm just kind of angry at this point. I just want people to understand that I'm not a lesbian, and that I am simultaneously attracted to more than one gender. I'm not untrustworthy because of my sexuality. I'm not sex-obsessed and greedy because of my sexuality. I don't just dream about threesomes because of my sexuality. These are stereotypes and stereotypes are dangerous.

I'm not here to accuse anyone of doing anything. I'm only here to state my experiences in telling people about my sexuality. My sexuality effects me in every facet of my life and in every decision I make, just like all of my other identities.

However, I don't tell everyone I meet because I don't think you need to know unless I foresee us spending a large amount of time together for whatever the reason may be. If you feel threatened or uncomfortable, then I've done my job and you've probably said these things to me or some other bi person in which case, you should stop doing that. Being invalidated by anyone is unpleasant, whether you thought they were your friend or whether you just hoped they'd understand.

Don't erase our identity because it makes you uncomfortable or because it's different from yours. Bisexual people are real and it's not a just a phase.