I have been a bit of a loner for a while now. I cannot seem to explain it. I was not exactly popular in elementary school but I never really noticed it. I had two friends at school and two friends in my neighborhood. I was picked on a little, especially by this damaged girl on my bus, but nothing I could not really handle.

Then I moved.

I spent close to a year in Mexico, while my parents wrote a trilogy. I had the time of my life. I never wanted to leave. Of course, my parents had all the say in that and eventually we had to return to the United States. My father had his heart set on moving to Ocracoke but the way the chips fell, we ended up renting in Nags Head.

I started fifth grade in a small town and several disadvantages.

I was not given good genes. I would not describe myself as beautiful. I was not stick thin. The shoulder length hair I had loved as a child, looked chunky and ugly as I passed into double digits.

I knew absolutely no one.

The children at my school were either related, went to the same churches, or had known each other all their lives. Thus began a new chapter in my life where I really began to hate going to school.

Middle school was the peak of the worst part of my life, as of now. Sixth grade meant a new school for myself and nineteen kids, thanks to the jurisdiction line. Manteo was a lot more close knit and everyone seemed to hate each other. I made friends with a girl I mistook as a boy for the first week.

Being constantly bullied and at the bottom of the totem pole, began to make me withdraw from society altogether. My friend was hardly allowed to hang out outside of school and I hated sitting alone at school functions.

By high school, the bullies began to turn a new leaf. The upper classmen put a quick stop to any power the freshman thought they retained from middle school. I had learned to be mistrustful of any kindness they showed, since it used to lead to tricks and deceit.

I had begun to realize that I gelled easier with kids who were older or younger than me, and I happily ignored most of my grade to embrace that fact.

Senior year rolled around and I longed to escape. I had no one I connected with in school anymore. The upperclassmen had graduated and escaped.

See, in a small town, if you don’t escape when you graduate high school, you never will.

My best friend dropped out and an underclassmen I got along with, moved away. I had no real connections with my own grade, so little that...

I skipped my own prom.

I hoped college would be my chance.

I have made exactly two friends all year and they are both ignoring me.

It was not like I tried.

I smothered my personality. I tried to be extra polite and sweet. I kept my opinions to myself.

I have no one, again.

I mean, I had no intention of staying here all four years. This school is not what I wanted but I hoped to make it work for the time being. There have been times when I have been this close to throwing the towel in.

College is not what I expected.

I would do better in a bigger university, I think. I hope.