When you have a mother that's an addict you have to guess what normal is. When you have a mother that's an addict you feel hopelessly lost and adrift, like an unmoored ship in the center of a storm.

This is what I experienced growing up. At 12 years old, my mother slowly descended into alcohol and drug addiction. It's truly a strange occurance, seeing a parent crumble before your eyes. As children, we idolize our parents in one way or another. They are invincible. They are the ones we look to for love, support, and guidance. Very rarely is that role reversed. However, as my mother grew even more erratic, she began to look to me as a husband of sorts. I was the one who would listen to her sobbing on the stairs. I was the one she would complain to about her new boyfriend. I was the one who comforted her after the two would get into a drunken argument.

I was the one.

At the time, this did not seem unusual to me. I was just trying to be a good son. I wanted to make her feel better, but my brother and I rarely had our needs met. She was not, by any stretch of the imagination, a capable parent during this time period. We had to be responsible for getting ourselves ready for school. We made sure to get our homework done. We were forced to grow up very quickly. I remember quite vividly the anxiety I felt getting off the school bus every afternoon. I had no idea what the environment would be like when I stepped inside my house. Would there be an argument? Would my mother already be drinking? Would she even be home?

This dysfunction continued until one night that, in retrospect, is one of the most defining moments of my life. My mother and I got into an argument, I can't remember exactly what caused it, but she informed me that my brother and I had to leave. We could no longer live with her. As I was packing my clothes up, I remember being filled with rage. I kept thinking that this whole situation wasn't fair. But, as I was leaving the house with my brother, as my the sounds of my footsteps were reverberating off the stone walkway leading to the street, I looked up at the night sky. I looked up at the stars and I realized that there is an entire world, brimming with life, beyond what I knew.

Unfortunately, since that night over ten years ago, my mother has not improved. She chose her addiction over her children. Sometimes, I become upset when I think about the lack of maternal influence in my life, but I wouldn't change anything that I've gone through. It has made me a stronger, more compassionate, and independent person. I hope those of you with parents who struggle with addiction can find something to relate to in this. Addiction is a taboo topic in our society. It's normal to feel angry. It's normal to feel pain. I also think it's normal to cut off contact with a parent who is an addict.

This is what I have done.

You can only help someone for so long. Hopefully, by talking about issues related to addiction, we can create a system of support. A system where no child, teen, or young adult has to feel alone. Although the pain can be difficult, it also allows us to grow into positive, caring, and kind human beings