"If you live for people's acceptance, you will die from their rejection." This quote, and many others are sent to me all the time. Why? Because I'm a people pleaser.

My downfall isn't that I seek for people's acceptance so that I can accept myself, or that I give so much of my time and my heart that I forget to care about myself- honestly, I don't see a downfall at all. But other's do, and this is what I want them to understand.

I was depressed once. Not because people didn't like me or because I was bullied, but because of something that was out of my control. During that time, I felt like I was constantly drowning, like every breath I took was nothing more than a gasp for air. But the one thing that made me feel alive, my little lifeboat, was making other people happy. Depression isn’t something I'd wish upon my worst enemy, and being there for others is my attempt to save someone, anyone, from drowning.

So yes, I will drop everything and give you my time and my heart because I don't want you to feel what I felt. I don't want you to look around you and see nothing but blurs of darkness. I don't want you to feel conflicted between wanting to scream and wanting to cry. I'm not trying to please you- I'm trying to save you, because I couldn't save myself.

It doesn't take a lot either, making others happy. It takes as little as a smile, a hello, or holding the door open for someone. So please, don't make people pleasing sound like it takes so much out of my day, because it really doesn't. I have never gone out of my way to help someone and felt tired or burdened afterwards. It's a choice, it's my choice, and it's what I feel like is keeping me alive.

I don't feel like I'm gasping for air anymore, I'm breathing. And I'm not doing so because it's automatic, but because of the grace of God. Everyone has a purpose, and I guess you could say people pleasing is mine. Now before you jump in and try to save me from this "black hole," please understand that it's okay-- I'm okay. I don't need saving anymore because I've learned how to save myself, and it's by saving anyone I can.