To an old friend,
It’s been awhile and I caught myself thinking of you. At first, it was a smile and wanting to reach out to you. I wanted to share this funny story about seeing dinosaurs running around on campus. I knew you would have laughed about it. We always laughed about things like that. We laughed until we cried. But then, my smile faded because I remembered, we stopped talking. It’s been a couple of months and our last conversation still feels fresh in my mind. I could hear your voice so clearly, telling me that we needed time away from each other. I didn’t want to admit that I was afraid.
College caused even the best of friends (us) to realize that maybe we were better off apart. Since our last conversation, I realized, how afraid I was to lose you. I was so afraid, deep down that we wouldn’t be friends anymore and college would change us too much and too quickly. What’s left to talk about if we’re at different places? At the end of high school, I was so sure. We would stay friends for a long time. After all, we have been friends since elementary school.
The other day I saw my 19th birthday letter. I read the letter a couple times because I wasn’t sure if it was real. The letter said you wouldn't trade our friendship in the world for anything and that you'll always stick with me, no matter what comes. After all, we were pair of crazies since we were eight.
But now, I don’t know how to reach out to you. I don't know how to call, or if I should erase the emoji's next to your name. I see old recipes on Twitter that I have baked with you in past. I see new ones and save them because I thought there was the future. I see old photos of us making silly faces and I can't bring myself to delete them. I see our old hangout spots and it pains me because I can't remember the last time we were there together. Since as kids, you were the bright flame that saved me from the darkness. You were there for me when I didn't believe in myself. I became the person I am because after all, you were my best friend.
So as you can you see, letting you go isn't easy... I wonder if letting me go was easy or quick for you? Was it like a Band-Aid? Were there any Scars? As we drifted away from each other that bright flame started to fade. Sometimes I want to call and to hear about your day. I want to meet up and go on brunch dates. I miss having you around and I will cherish the years of memories. But, I think it’s time I start fresh. You were a part of so many chapters and journeys of my life. It’s time I let you go. I wish you the best. Someday, I hope we can reconnect. I hope the memories of our time spent together will be kept alive. Even if it’s a small flame.
- Bambi
