To An Old Friend I Don't Talk To Anymore

To An Old Friend I Don't Talk To Anymore

I am thankful for the way our friendship has faded.
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Hey Old Friend,

Remember me? I'm the one you used to eat late night ice cream and binge watch One Tree Hill with.

It seems we haven't spoken much lately. Really, we haven't spoken much since we both went our separate ways in college and promised to stay "close." Well, let me begin by asking how you are. I hope you're doing well at your new school and you're meeting all kinds of interesting people. I hope these people are treating you well and that every dream you've been dying to pursue since you were 10 is actually coming true.

I never thought you would be someone I would consider an "old friend." I understand college came and I moved away and rarely have time to visit home. I also understand that times have changed and both of us have as well. It's just still hard to know that a friendship like ours didn't last like we planned.

We may not be close like we used to. I no longer call you every chance something exciting is happening in life and most times I'll learn of occurrences in your life through Facebook. We have grown apart. Normally that is easy to accept; however, giving that I considered you more like a sister, it does still sting from time to time. I am thankful for the way our friendship has faded. We never tried to hurt one another and I believe we did end on good terms.

With this, I've been wanting to take some time to thank you. To thank you for being there through the good and the ugly. From continuing my cheerleading career to having you around for my first broken heart. You have been there for me when times were not the easiest as I was for you. These are memories I will always cherish.

I want you to know I have no ill feelings towards you and I am not angry with you in any way. I've had the chance to watch you become the person you were destined to be and I am proud of the woman you have become. You have grown more in the past two years than I could've ever imagined.

While our futures may not be like we planned anymore, I will always wish you the absolute best in life. I want you to know I still pray for you every day. I pray that you finish college and find a good job. I pray that you find a man who treats you right and understands the precious cargo he is now protecting.

I know I probably won't get to partake in that special day of yours and see how beautiful you will look; Nevertheless, I do hope it exceeds every expectation you had. I hope that you will only have good things to say about us when you show your children your friends from high school. I hope they too will experience a friendship that was as close as ours used to be. I pray that you keep smiling and never let someone take the fire you have away. I pray you see how truly spectacular you have become and that you never let someone make you feel any less than perfect.

Lastly, I pray one day our paths will cross again. I miss you daily.

Always,

Your Old Friend.

Cover Image Credit: Pinterest

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8 Things I Have Not Thanked My Best Friend Forever For In, Well, Forever

Thank you for always being the best.
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1. Being there through it all, even if you're not "physically" there

We can't always be together, but you have never completely "left" me behind and have been there with me through thick and thin and I am so grateful.

2. Being my biggest cheerleader

Thank you for not only being there through the bad, but also celebrating my victories with me. I can always look forward to telling you good news because I know you'll be happy right along with me.

3. Answering my "important" phone calls

Whether it's a "he texted me back!!!" phone call, or an "I found a gray hair, please help!!" phone call, you pick up the phone and hype up with me no matter what.

4. Being selfless, and going above & beyond to make sure I know I'm worthy

This explains itself and I am so grateful for that.

5. Brushing my hair when I don't feel like it

Okay, this probably sounds silly... But it's the greatest struggle to brush my hair and I'm glad you do it for me sometimes!

6. For being there through all of my mini-crises

You already know what I'm talking about here...

7. For talking me out of things

If it wasn't for you talking me out of things, I'd probably have quit my job, be dating a horrible guy, got my eyebrow pierced, etc.

8. Making me a part of your family

I'm too lucky to have you all as my second family.

Cover Image Credit: Personal Photo

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Help, I Have A Lot Of Feelings

Finding Purpose in All Those Feelings

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views

I, 100%, believe you can manifest your own reality. It's disturbing how "feelings" quickly go from scenarios that we create in our heads to a toxic reality.

When I was really sick, I could think of countless reasons to hate myself. It felt like those reasons were piling up and barricading me into my own personal prison of self-disgust. But as I have continued my journey to be stronger than my eating disorder, I am learning that if can convince myself, with the power of my mind, that these feelings are all valid, I can also convince myself that I am actually sufficient, capable, competent, enough, strong and qualified. This power lies in recognizing the difference between feeling and knowing.

Knowledge is constant while feelings vary based on circumstance. I know my best friend loves me even when she doesn't text me back. I may, for a moment, feel like she doesn't care about what I have to say because of the circumstance. But that doesn't change what I know to be true. My best friend loves me.

Being "feelings driven" is a dangerous way to live. It led me to become an empty and shallow version of myself. I was unhealthy and dissatisfied. But I found new life after deciding not to let the way I feel dictate what I knew is true.

If feelings change so often, how can they hold such power over us? Surely they must play some sort of significant role in our lives. Of course they do. Feelings provide us with the opportunity to act. They show us that something might need to change. Typically, we want it to change as soon as possible. If you're feeling bored, you text or call your friends. If you're feeling hungry, you go get food. Feelings give us the opportunity to react. These reactions can affect you positively or negatively. The important thing to remember is that, when you are prompted with a feeling, you always get decide the reaction.

When I was sick, I was very familiar with feeling "gross", "fat", "uncomfortable", and other untrue ways to describe my physical appearance. The reaction that came with that feeling wreaked havoc on me mentally and physically. I could not get through a day of meals without feeling extreme guilt. This guilt was overbearing and it would not go away until I responded with my trigger reaction. Even with these rash and dangerous choices I was making, one thing remained constant. I never felt the way I wanted to. I did not feel beautiful. I did not feel strong. I woke up every single day without any change.

When you are prompted with a feeling that deserves a reaction, make it a beneficial one. I still have many moments when I feel bad about the way I look. Only now, my language about it has changed. I don't take that feeling as an opportunity to hurt myself. Instead, I write about it, call a friend, pray and ask God to help me see myself as He sees me or even just distract myself from the thoughts with some TV.

I cannot count on feelings to fuel my thoughts and take over my mind. Because even though they can bring about the right kind of actions, they have the power to bring you a world of trouble. Acknowledge your feelings. They're there for a reason. Welcome the good feelings, don't be afraid of the negative ones. Just be ready with what you know to combat them. Remind yourself with the truth about who you are constantly, making it your first language. Feelings are temporary and based on circumstance.

Think of the feeling you get when you are so tired after a long and busy day. What comforts you? Knowing the fact that when you get home, you will be able to sleep. You know you will be okay. This same practice of comforting yourself with the truth can and should be done with any negative feeling. Knowing that you will not feel that way forever can protect you from dangerous reaction, whatever it may be. Let it remind you that the temporary state of discomfort, pain, or dissatisfaction, will eventually go away and you will be feeling another way once again.

Feelings are fleeting and changing. They are here one second and gone the next. So to put something so valuable, like your worth or your future, in something so fickle, just sounds foolish. Use feelings for what they are for: to inspire change. What I know is that I AM STRONG even on the days I feel weak, I AM BRAVE even on the days I feel afraid, I AM CAPABLE even on the days I feel unfit for my calling. Any feelings that are not driving me to truth don't stand a chance against what I know.

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