As weird as it sounds, sometimes the pain isn't the worst part about being sick- the boredom that comes with it is. Being in pain all the time is exhausting, and when there's nothing you can do to help the pain, you find yourself with nothing to do but sit around and feel like shit.
The only thing worse than the boredom itself is the shitty feeling that comes along with the awareness of boredom. When your friends don't have illnesses (whether they be chronic, mental, or any other kind of illness) they don't understand the toll it has on not only your body but your mind as well.
It sucks when there are days that you literally can't leave your bed, let alone your house because the pain is excruciating. But it sucks even more when the illness and pain isn't capable of stopping when you want it to. I wish it was easy for me to do everything my other friends are doing without having to worry about my illness.
I guess for me, control plays the biggest role in being sick. It is infuriating to carry around these problems and have no control over them. It would be nice to have a little control over my mind and body, but I don't. My body and my mind control me. My illnesses control me. And I want nothing more than to be in control of my own life.
Dating with an illness is...how do I put this? Terrible.
I am so tired of having to explain my illnesses to other people that have the benefit of never experiencing them. I know people will tell you that it's not that bad, and you that should want to explain your illnesses to your significant other, so they're more aware, but I don't want to do that.
All I do is think, breathe, and live my issues. All day. Every day. So when someone doesn't know all the shit that's actually wrong with me, it's kind of nice. It's nice not to be the freak show for once. It's nice not to have to talk medical terms, treatments (or lack thereof), and awkward sympathy talks. Stop telling me you're sorry. I'm bored.
I know that other people have it worse, and I'm in no way trying to lessen their situations or put myself in an equal position, but whether you have chronic, mental, or a different type of illness, it still sucks. It sucks having to go through it and having to live your life around what your illness has in mind for the day. Pain is pain.
Emotional, mental, and physical pain suck. When dealing with one, you're dealing with all three. My illnesses are physical for the most part, but I'm so mentally drained from dealing with them. If you suffer from anything, I know you're bored, and I know you're tired of feeling guilty from how bored you are, but you're not alone. We can be bored together.
