When I was a sophomore in high school, I was in a partial hospitalization program to face my depression, anxiety, and beginning signs of a possible eating disorder. Of course it was something that I did not want to do and be a part of. In my eyes, I was just a sad 15 year old who had no purpose and could not get help. However, I went through the program and ended up in learning a few things during the process.
This program always started out with group therapy and every single one of us would be asked where we were on our "Happy Crappy Scale". This is one thing that really stuck with me as I continued in the program and even in life outside of the program. It was something that I did not like at first because it made me be honest since if I said I was pretty happy, well my peers and counselor knew that it was not actually how I felt and would challenge me to be honest. When you have a concept like this with words that are easy to identify with, it challenges your honesty. I had become pro at filling out questionnaires and trying to lie about the severity of what I was feeling. However, when it became how happy or how crappy I was, it changed my perspective.
We always had to explain why we were where we were. For those who know me, that was really tough because I rather hide in the background when I am really struggling. I do not want to be a burden to anyone. I have been able to get through 100% of my bad days so far so I have faith that I can get through the other bad days that will come my way. However, the scale made me focus on putting into words where I was, what was going through my head.
It also allowed me to see the range any emotion can have. It showed me that I did not have to be all happy or all sad. There was a balance between the two. When I first started out, I had many low, crappy days. Over time, I became closer to the happy side. It's been almost 6 years since I started at the program and I still remember the scale. Sure, I remember some of the coping mechanisms that were taught to me, but the scale allows for me to do a self check in throughout the day.
So where are you today? This is a question that I ask myself every single day to regulate my emotion. It's a helpful tool that I learned years ago yet I keep going back to it time and time again. It's so easy to stop and quickly reflect on where I am on the scale and then allows me to know what I need to do from there.
