I know that I appear to be social, but something about large crowds, unruly children, and loud noises makes me want to move to Canada for the week. I would say England, but I'd rather not have the ghost of Alexander Hamilton haunting my every waking moment. Oh, who am I kidding, yes I would! The point is I've never been very fond of Independence Day. I don't really like BBQ, I don't like being surrounded by a million strangers (or my entire family for that matter), and loud noises at night render me catatonic. Maybe this doesn't apply to you. Maybe you love the Fourth of July with all of it's patriotism and sparklers. Then, this article isn't for you. But, if you are like me, read my survival guide to my least favorite holiday.
1. Watch fireworks from your window
First problem I solve is where to watch fireworks. The sad thing is I love fireworks. They are beautiful little diamonds of happiness that shimmer hope and love from above. They are also loud as hell. Obviously I don't have PTSD, but my anxiety makes it really hard for me to handle really loud noises. So, I have taken up peeking out my window or watching from afar. I'm sure some neighbors have wondered if I'm a peeping tom and I am sometimes, but that's just because I'm hella nosy.
2. BYOD
Bring Your Own Dog. One of the best things about this holiday is that people bring their dogs out to play as they sit and munch on hot dogs and potato chips. I freaking love animals, so the prospect of being able to see one makes it easier to go outside. If your family is having a picnic, bring your dog (if you have one obviously. Please don't steal them. Unless it's a Shiba Inu because come on, you deserve it) or beg your aunt to bring hers. The point is look out for dogs and pet all of their fluffy little ears!
3. Listen to Hamilton
Well, how can we celebrate the start of our new nation without celebrating some of the people that created it? Lin-Manuel Miranda's musical is full of patriotic pride for our nation. I would stay away from songs like Stay Alive, Reprise, The World Was Wide Enough, or any other song that makes you cry sad tears. But, I mean, come on, how could you not feel just a little proud of America while shouting "I am not throwing away my shot!" And I don't really consider this day my true independence day (being black), but I know that there were founding fathers that were also fighting for my rights all those years ago. They deserve recognition too! So, listen to Hamilton and John Laurens serenade you with their fight songs for freedom.
4. Dump tea into the Harbor
What better way to remember the fight fought for our freedom then to recreate one of the funniest moments? Make a mug and toss it while a bald eagle soars above, crying a tear of joy. Let's all just be violently American!
5. Watch Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation
Ron has got to be one of the most American-ist Americans I have ever known. If he doesn't make you proud to be an American, what will? Well, Leslie Knope will. Definitely. She works so damn hard for her country, for her county, and she has the biggest crush on our Vice President. So, just watch Parks and Rec and smile.
I don't really care for this holiday, so I am afraid that this is all the advice I have for you. All you have to do to celebrate this holiday is do things that make you proud to be American (even though it can be hard). Remind yourself of why you love this country because there's got to be a few reasons. Like...Bill Nye. Blessed be Bill Nye.
