Growing up, I had a distorted perception of true love. Maybe it’s because I was young and too naive to build an understanding of such a complex notion that contains endless layers of uncertainty. Or maybe it’s the unguarded feeling of being blindsided to what I thought was true love, when it, in fact, was not. I was fourteen years old when I was first exposed to this feeling of vulnerability. This period of raw, openness accompanied with voids of which I questioned could ever be filled again. This stemmed from a life changing moment that will forever affect my view of love.
It was the moment I learned about my parent’s separation that had taken place while I was away for the summer. Upon my arrival home, I sat down in the living room with my mom and dad, in the home that was once ours. They said they loved me and had something important to share with me. “Your mom and I separated this summer,” my dad said. Seven words shattered the faith I built in true love. I always perceived my parent's relationship as an example of what I thought love should be. Up until this moment, I was blindsided by the shallowness and limits I placed on my perception of a topic that went far beyond my imagination.
I was depressed seeing my parents in pain from the relentless arguing and mental states of devastation they let their minds succumb to. I could tell they were exhausted, but so was I. I promised myself I would never feel the emotional distraught that they did. This realization shifted my perspective as it took a turn for the better. You can’t truly love someone unless you learn how to love yourself first. Loving yourself means accepting every part of who you are; appearance, personality, character, intelligence level, shortcomings and all; and doing everything in your power to nurture and improve those fragile components. Finding yourself is an infinite and evolving process that requires time and patience. But, it is a promising experience that will lead you to a place of satisfaction and happiness in it’s purest from.
Once you arrive at this point, is when you can give your all to someone. When you do love, you love unconditionally because you want it to last. You have a yearning for forever because you didn’t get to have it before. Growing up in a broken family may come with unforeseen circumstances. But that doesn’t have to affect how we, children of divorce, will or should love. Let the shield down when you are ready and don’t let the fear of the unknown define how you will love.
