It's college. Everything is hard. Especially when you're a freshman. Every freshmen will probably say that they hate college at some point during the year. You're the bottom of the totem pole. You’re the newbie, the amateur. You’re making the transition from high school to college, which is a big one.

But how do you juggle all of that on top of the call from your dad saying your nana, your best friend, your biggest supporter, had died while you were away?

I still haven’t found the answer to this question. I’m simply just living it until I find the answer I want. At first it was the simple answer of you don’t. You don’t juggle it. You drop all the balls of studying and class and social life. You wonder if the place you’re currently at is the place you want to stay. You throw in the towel because living a life without that one person isn’t a life worth living.

I guess I should have started this off with a little back story. My nana had stage 4 colon cancer. We found out in April. In theory, that day in April should still be the worst day of my life. I wish it was.

However, the point of this writing isn’t to tell you how bad my first day, week, even month of college has been. The point of it is to show you that adversity can’t stop you even when it seems like it can.

You see, I have the goal at the end of my collegiate career to be an oncologist. I have had this goal since I was in middle school. I want to help people. It wasn’t until April that I had even more of a reason to do what I’ve always wanted.

I have even more of a reason to push through college even harder. Through the grief, the pain, the sorrow. You push. You push yourself toward the goal you’ve always had because your person would want that for you. They always will.

My dad always used to tell me that life has seasons just like the years. Even though my first season of college is dark and sad and lonely even, my person is still here with me spiritually and emotionally. My people are still at home only a couple hours away and as I write this, I’m counting down the hours that I get to go home to see them.

My next seasons of college will be warm, full of love, and growth. The complete opposite of my current season. I’m still struggling with the pain and that’s okay. You heal when you heal. There’s no time limit.