Christmas time is meant to be a joyous time of the year, filled with love, and surrounded by family. I always looked forward to our Christmas Skype calls or phone calls. Growing up I could never make it to your house for Christmas time, and I was jealous of the family that could.

You loved Christmas. It was your favorite holiday. You would start preparing months before. I'll never forget when I got you a dancing snowman Christmas toy that sang "Low" by Flo Rida, every year the day after Thanksgiving you pulled him out from the closet and showed him off to everyone.

I can still hear you singing in my head. You were always humming or belting along to a Christmas song. When houses started decorating with lights, we would drive around for hours just admiring them.

I don't know what to expect this year. Your absence is noted on more than just on the day deemed "Christmas." Since December started I've been feeling empty without you. You're not in the kitchen making those dinky little Christmas cookies, or making me watch that "Charlie Brown Christmas" movie with you.

I know that the 25th of December is going to be difficult, I'm already dreading it. I wish I could call you up and wish you a Merry Christmas. I wish you were here every day, but especially at Christmas. I think it's because I'm so accustomed to having you here for it, I always waited to see your name pop up on my phone.

I want to pretend that everything's normal, that you're still here and that my phone's going to ring. That you're going to be able to spend Christmas with your family. But the reality breaks my heart. I know you'll be there in spirit, but it's not the same. I know you wouldn't want me to sulk, that you'd want me to enjoy my day and treasure every moment I have with the people in my life. It's going to be hard to get my mind off the fact that you're not down here celebrating with me, but I know you know, that I wish you were.

I love you, Merry Christmas, Grandma.