My Final Message To You.

My Final Message To You.

I thought I needed You
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This is years too late but I finally have found the courage and strength I needed to write my final goodbye to you. So here goes...

It was you. It was always you. No matter who wanted me I ALWAYS wanted you. Wherever you were I wanted to be and for a while you made me feel like I was wanted there too. You knew everything about me and being with you seemed like a complete dream come true. Despite what everyone would say about you to me I still chose you. I loved you so much it actually scared me, I was afraid to put myself out there, but I was so happy I did with you. I was hurt in the past and I just thought if I put myself back out there and allow someone to know me they would hurt me again and in the beginning, with you, it wasn’t like that at all but we went on a downward spiral so fast. You meant the world to me and having you there for me was incredible. I hope you knew that I was here for you too. But I just couldn't do the just friends thing anymore, I understand that you didn't want to hurt me and I thank you for that but in the long-run, it hurt me the fact that you didn’t even give us a chance. You always just thought I’d be some controlling girlfriend who never let you see your friends and we both know that I wouldn’t be like that. I always encourage you to hang out with your friends and when you’re with them I'd say "I’ll talk to you later" just so I don’t bother you when you’re with them. You went from constantly wanting to talk to me and be with me to never really even talking to me. You turned into the person you said you’d never be and you told me you’d always pick me and wherever you go, I would go and that we don’t lie to each other and that you’ll near get tired of me and you’ll always want to talk to me…looking at that I don't even know who you are now. There was just something about you that rocked my world. I don't know what it was and quite frankly I don't think anyone else knew either but there was just something about you. I just wanted all of you, all your imperfections and flaws were so very loved by me. But that's the thing, they were LOVED. It took me years to come to terms with the fact that my love for you is past tense. I could not be more proud of myself for getting over you and all the times you made me feel so insignificant. I am no longer stuck on the thought of you; come to think of it, you no longer cross my mind. So goodbye to you and everything we had or what I thought we had. You are nothing to me now and will stay that way from now on.

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Our Limbs Of Trust

“It allows us to stop thinking, to stop worrying that someone won’t catch us if we fall.” -Ze Frank
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Trust is a foundation of all relationships, from the person you choose to lie next to at night to the people you surround yourself with on a daily basis. Trusting others and trusting each other is a necessity to our development as individuals, even trusting our surroundings is a practice we must perform. Trust is a confusing thing, a thing of many definitions, yet seems so simple when we think of the meaning, the wholesome idea of what trust is. The raw, simple meaning of trust seeming so clear, yet when we try to explain it no words seem to fit.

In terms of a metaphorical phrase, picture trust as the invisible roots outstretching from your body, your mind. From the moment we meet unknown, we want to connect and outstretch our roots to ground. Yet, we are tentative when we are in new places with new people, somewhere where we have no comfort, and no level of establishment. We are wary of new surroundings, objects, and people, and we reach a level of contentment when we feel at place and comfortable. This is why our homes, our schools, close family and friends are so at ease; we trust the roots we have reached out, and we trust the strength that is in that bond. Why we need trust though, why we need to trust, is the water we need to grow our roots, to outstretch our limbs and ground ourselves by the sheer feeling of being able to have certainty-to have reliance.

The way we act around new people, anticipating their thoughts, feelings, and emotions towards us has us constantly aware of them and their intentions. Constantly on edge, tentative of the foreign soil we are tempting to envelop, to break into. We are constantly aware of them, consistently gauging the new terrain, tense over if we can tumble our trust into their arms, tense if they deserve that. Yet over time we relax, riding the uncertainties we were filled with, scared of. The tension that exists beforehand is a first encounter to the unknown, the outstretched need we have to make sense of new people.

Trying to predict people and their actions is a tension we put on these roots, the pressure of trying to foresee the uncertainty, preparing to be disappointed. It’s like trying to predict the outside factors of your roots; will it rain enough for you? Will you prosper and grow? Is the risk of outreaching worth it? Trust is a fragile thing, and that's why it’s such a calamity when it is broken.

Broken trust is the snapping of your branches, the bite that forces you to reside away from what you’ve become comfortable with, stable with. Trust that has been broken sends the dominoes crashing down, beginning the floodwaters of overthinking and retreating back. You start thinking you are fine alone, okay in your small pot and that your roots are fine; you don’t need to ground yourself anymore than you already have. You feel your roots coiling back towards you, you feel yourself tightening back and retreating, which may result in you trusting no one. However, this does not work.

Trusting is to give power to the uncontrollable. To the trust you have in closing your eyes and allowing yourself to fall. To cross your arms and to not take a step back as you dip backwards, and you maneuver your body to relax and plunge back into that trust fall; to that person. You can’t control everything, and one needs to learn this. You need to learn that the world and all it’s people are just as lost as you- are just as timid to growing as you.

Letting go of all these insecurities, all these doubts, doesn’t take away the caution you have towards others. It takes away the shyness you feel to the new, to the unknown. Our whole future is up in the air, our growth stretching further and further into uncertainty. Don’t be scared of this new ground; let go, stop worrying, and let yourself tumble into the trust you have in yourself. Stop scanning for inconsistency and focus on growing, building yourself up with the aid of those around you. You aren’t one singular being forced to face this whole world. You’re part of a forest and an entanglement of roots- physically, emotionally, and mentally.

So, who do you trust, and how do you grow it?

Cover Image Credit: Matthew Henry

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Everything Independent Women Should Know In 2018

If you don’t believe in yourself, then who will?
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Autonomous. Self-ruling. Free.

These are all words that describe you. Independence isn’t easy. It’s a skill that takes time to master. So here’s some reminders that will help you continue to ~slay~ everyday:

Don’t let the standards of society define you.

Gigi Hadid and Kim Kardashian aren’t the inspirational figures you are looking for.

Spend less time comparing yourself to others.

We all want what we can’t have, so embrace what you do have.

Accomplish your goals in silence.

You don’t need words to notice success.

Find something you are passionate about.

Whether its sports, writing, photography, drawing, singing or working out, whatever your passion is, it’ll make life worth living.

Remember that you don’t need a relationship.

Stop waiting, start living. It'll happen eventually.

Start being comfortable in your own skin.

If you don’t believe in yourself, then who will?

Be vocal.

Don’t agree with something? Say it. Write about it. Do something about it.

Relax.

Independence doesn't give you the power to control everything in and out of your reach. So just hang back, relax and go with the ~flow.~

Cover Image Credit: EveryPixel

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