When I look back on my childhood memories a lot of them were playing outside with my brother and neighbors. Some of the things we would do were play soldiers, ride bikes, play in the dirt, and pick up bugs. That’s one thing I can’t understand from childhood is picking up bugs. I would always pick up bugs and touch them and try to keep them as pets. But today I freak out so much when I see a bug near me. My fear of bugs is so bad that I am deadly afraid of butterflies. Yeah that may seem crazy or bizarre but it’s the truth.
Usually when I tell people I am afraid of butterflies they don’t understand because they see them as these graceful, harmless, and beautiful creatures yet I see the complete opposite. They think being afraid of something like that is silly and dumb. The first question that is usually asked when they find out is “why?” I don’t know the exact reason, I never got attacked by them as a kid or had a bad experience with them. There is something odd and weird about them that just make my skin crawl. I do have some ideas on why I am afraid them, one of them being the SpongeBob episode called “Wormy” when SpongeBob and Patrick have to babysit Sandy’s monarch caterpillar named Wormy. The second day of babysitting, Wormy becomes a Monarch butterfly and SpongeBob and Patrick freak out because they think it’s a monster that ate Wormy. During this episode they zoom up on a real butterflies face and it’s probably the most disturbing thing I have ever laid my eyes on. I recently just watched the episode but it was so gross that I had to stop the video.
Another reason I think butterflies freak me out is when I was in fifth grade and we were learning about the environment and food chains. Out teacher decided to show us an educational film about the animal food chain. During this film it showed a bird eating a butterfly, the way the bird ate it and tore it to pieces made me realize how fragile butterfly wings are. I really think that clip scarred me because every time a butterfly comes near me I don’t want to swat it because I’m scared that I’m going to rip off their wing. Something about that freaks me out.
My last reason on why I am afraid of them is when I went on vacation with my family to DC a few years back. During our trip to DC, my family and I went to a lot of the Smithsonian museums and one being the Natural History museum. When we were walking through the different exhibits we came across a butterfly exhibit. We didn’t go inside but there was a window to look inside. I don’t know what made me look through the window but when I did it was like seeing a horror film. I’m not going to lie when I tell you this but there were butterflies bigger than my hand and probably my head and that freaked me out. There were some that even look like they came from another planet, they were very freaky and nasty looking.
Last summer when I came home from an appointment, I couldn’t even walk into my house because there were two huge butterflies hanging on my porch and they wouldn’t go away. I was so terrified that my heart started beating fast. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and I started to feel hot and clammy. I really think I was having a panic attack. I started freaking out and hyperventilating when I realized I couldn’t get into the house so I tried calling my brother but he wouldn’t answer his phone since he was sleeping. I started crying so I called my mom and she couldn’t do anything because she was at work. So I called my grandma crying and she told me to come over. That’s what I did; I went to my grandparents and spent the day with them to get away from something that scares me so much.
My fear is so bad that even a picture or a video freaks me out a lot. I don’t know if I will ever get over this fear. I want people to know that this is a real fear. People think it’s funny or silly being afraid of something harmless or they try to show me butterfly videos to see me freak out because they think it’s funny. I want people to know that when someone says they have a fear of something, don’t joke around because it is a very serious thing because it could lead to anxiety disorder. Phobias are not always obvious at first but they may not surface until a certain situation happens and you discover you’re not able to face your fear. Let's say you’re afraid of dogs, would you want someone getting a dog to tease you and to see you freak out? I think no. People don’t realize when someone comes face to face with their fear it feels like the end of the world and it’s the scariest thing ever because you feel like you are going to die. I don’t care if you are afraid of mayo, bugs or dogs but fears are real, and they shouldn’t be joked about. My fear, lepidopterophobia, is real.
