As many adults and parents do their best to warn us about, tattoos are permanent. Getting tattooed is a major commitment, unless of course, one wants to go so far as to get it removed once they decide they no longer enjoy the permanent ink. Usually, we hear all of the negative repercussions of getting a tattoo, such as being less likely to be hired during a job interview, the permanency, etc. Although there are quite a few, no one really talks about the positive outcomes.
As cliche as it sounds, I believe that all tattoos have a story or meaning behind them: this meaning being unique to the individual. Even if we, ourselves cannot tell what that story may be from a simple glance of someone whom is passing by, there's a lot that we do not know about that giant tree with 10 branches on it. Some tattoos speak of all human experience, whether that be the silent battles people fight, a single moment that changed one's life forever, the loss of a loved one, and so much more. The truth is that tattoos are a mystery. No one can quite fathom the meaning behind another person's tattoo, even if they have heard the story of why someone chose the symbol, quote or scene, they did. They have not gone through the same personal experience.
So... Here is my story.
Personally, my tattoo has a story many people do not know. It's a story that I've kept from even my closest of friends. When I think back, I had only told my boyfriend of the time. And that was very spur of the moment, maybe just 12 hours before the actual procedure, or even less. The truth is that very few know about my experience, even today. But I think my story is important, as it reminds me of all that I have been through and how lucky I am. I believe that my story raises awareness of such unexpected bumps that we come across in life.
The summer before my sophomore year of high school, I discovered four lumps in my breasts. I went to my regular physician, and was referred to a breast oncologist. Between three ultrasounds and a biopsy, the results of the tumors were “inconclusive.” The only thing that they found, was there were two more tumors than I had felt. Doctors were unable to distinguish if my tumors were benign or malignant. The “safe” way of knowing, was to get invasive surgery. Thinking about the possibility of breast cancer takes an emotional toll on anyone, especially a 15-year-old.
Spring of 2013, I went in for the procedure. Like I previously mentioned, I did not speak of this to anyone, including my best friend(s) or my boyfriend. I didn’t want anyone treating me differently or asking too many questions, as I was, and still am, very uncomfortable speaking about it. The procedure took over an hour more than the estimated time. Turns out there were two more tumors than my oncologist had originally found. She had to dig them out, leaving a horribly painful bruise on my left side. After the procedure my tumors were sent to a lab, where they were measured and tested. Fortunately, they were benign fibroadenomas. Unfortunately, I will struggle with the reoccurrence of these tumors my entire life. This is an extremely scary thought, especially when the surgery is many thousands of dollars, even when aided by insurance.
Because of my experience, a couple weeks after I turned 18, I got this tattoo. "Faith over fear," with an arrow under the word "faith." The words stand for my "faith" that I put in front of the fear I had during this time. At 15, I had to power through even though I didn't know what would happen. The arrow represents having to move forward despite my difficulties I encountered. I had to believe and have faith that everything would be okay. I had to have faith in order to overcome the great amount of fear that I felt.
Two and a half years later, I am finally comfortable sharing my story. My experience taught me no matter if you think "this or that only happens to like one in a million people" … be careful. That "one in a million" could be you. My tattoo is a reminder of what I went through and the challenges I will continue to face throughout my life. Because many people are uneducated about such tumors, fibroadenomas don't stop once they've been removed; they are reoccurring.
When I feel like nothing is going right, I look at my side in the mirror and remind myself of the large amount of challenges I have already faced and overcome. Especially this one. My tattoo is a reminder that I can make it through even the worst of days. I hope that my story not only shows that people fight silent battles, from a new light, but also shows that many people are fighting their own battles, and choose to do so alone, having the fear of what others' might feel.
"Faith over fear."
