You were nothing to me. Then you were everything.
You broke me. And then you would fix me.
You were my biggest smile. But then you were the tears that rolled down my face.
You were my highest high and my lowest low.

But now you're gone. I'm not going to lie, there were days where I felt like I couldn't breathe, where I was drowning in my tears and fears that you were actually gone this time. You teased me again and again, leaving and coming back.
But one day, you left and never turned around. That day was bittersweet. I knew that was needed in both of our lives, but that never made it hurt less.
The day you left, I replay it in my mind over and over. I think about what I could've done differently or what I should've said to make you stay but in the back of mind all I can think is; This is the way it's supposed to be.
You are my memories when I think about the last few years. You were there for every high and every low. Often you were the highs and the lows. You held my hand through anything and although we didn't have a healthy relationship, we loved each other.

I felt alive with you. When I saw you my stomach was always filled with butterflies. Even after years of being around you, I would still feel fireworks every time you kissed me.
But you made me feel like I wasn't enough. And that was devastating, but looking back it was not worth it. I felt every emotion when I was with you so deeply.
I think that's partly why I miss you so much. I'm numb to everything now. Nothing hurts anymore because I believe you actually stepped on my heart. I want to feel these emotions again, but I don't have the heart to let my walls down again.

So I'll keep them up, until one day, my prince comes. And hopefully, I never love him as much as you. I hope he never makes me feel as happy as you did. I hope that every time we kiss, I don't feel fireworks and every time I see him I don't get butterflies. -I want so much more.

I want him to be my partner, my other half. I want him to be my home. The person who knows me like the back of their hand, and vice versa. I want him to comfort me and I want to be comfortable with him. I want to know he won't leave because I was never sure if you would or not. I want him to be part of my world.

Not my everything.