OK, so I got laid off. Most people would have been horrified, but not me. I was kind of excited. After all, I’ve been working this whole time, while building my own business so it was my time to make this entrepreneurial thing happen, right? This is where the rubber meets the road. I mean come on, they were working me to death anyways. After all, I am a girl boss. Like Sophia Amoruso, like Beyoncé, like Oprah, it’s my time to shine. So why is it after only two months I have chosen to return back to the security of the work force?

I work in the clinical realm. For about nine months I have been expecting to get that call. It kind of comes with this industry. I mean, our company merged with a bigger company, and they kept mentioning that now, with the two companies, there was a lot of duplication in efforts and work. Translation, there was not enough work to support the increased staffing size.

Also, a lot of dodgy practices were developing, like asking us to take time off to decrease the strain on the departmental budget, which, by the way, to me is just wicked. If you are having a layoff, let people get their vacation time in the payout. The writing was on the wall. So, for nine months, I saved and I waited.

Let me tell you guys, I was exhausted. I was really just waiting for them to put me out of my misery. I am the kind of person that would never quit because it’s not in my DNA, but honestly, I was tired of the corporate grind. I have had two kids in five years with less than three months maternity leave between the two of them. What makes it worst, my son was a preemie baby and I had life-threatening complications during my last pregnancy for both me and him. But though he was barely out of the NICU, I was back at work within five weeks of him being released, so to say I was tired was an understatement.

In my previous jobs, though layoffs were ongoing, I never worried, I was no.1 globally for customer satisfaction so I knew I would be kicked out when the company went bankrupt. Since that was unlikely, I pretty much had a job as long as I wanted a job. While I tried to stay positive as possible, I will admit that my burnout probably affected my performance just a tad.

It’s probably why when the layoffs came around, I was selected, and honestly, I was relieved. You see, the corporate rat race is one you have to play strategically. You have to be intentional in your action. You can work hard, as I did in my previous role, but you must also play the corporate politics. Be favored. This, sometimes, is as simple as being a team player or as complicated as an elaborate game of cat and mouse, being willing to throw your fellow rat under the bus.

And while at my new job, I had been selected for three internal ACE awards, I had been there less than two years and really hadn’t had the opportunity to establish myself. I am good at my job. Always have been. I don’t do the politics as well and this unfortunately, despite meteoric performances, has held me back. There are few corporations these days that foster integrity at all levels among their employees, team spirit and much more. And this unfortunately for me means I often throw myself into being phenomenal at my job but neglecting the political aspects required to really excel. I am just not cutthroat enough to thrive, so why after only two months am I going back to the rat race?

Turns out being a girl boss takes time. While I may have been naïve to just how much effort this entrepreneurial journey really takes, it has given me so much more focus. With two kids to support, I am returning to the workforce to ensure I support my kids while I continue to work my craft. There are no guarantees when it comes to being a girl boss but I now know more than ever that this is the path for me. So while I am returning to the workforce, I now have greater clarity and more knowledge on what it truly takes to be successful.