Ever since I was little, I've loved weddings. Whether I was a flower girl or a guest sitting in the pews, I looked at how happy everyone was and how in love the couple was and knew I wanted that some day. I wanted my best friends to take part in the special day as my bridesmaids; I wanted the flower girls walking in last, filling the aisle with flower petals. Even more than that, I wanted to make my entrance and complete my walk down the aisle overjoyed and ready to marry the man I love.
Now, in college, I still want all of those things, but I know I can't walk down the aisle into that commitment with a man who was rarely there as my escort. I can't be as happy as a bride should be with my dad on my arm.
Historically, fathers walked their daughters down the aisle to symbolize them giving their daughters away to the next man whose house they'd live under. (It was essentially a transfer of property.) That tradition has since developed and evolved into a loving gesture to show the daughter leaving the man who'd always loved her most, and beginning a life with the man who loves her best in a different way.
If I was a daddy's girl, I'm sure I'd love having my dad "give me away." Unfortunately, that's not my case.
Being a father takes more than biology. It means taking care of your child, watching her grow up, helping her and supporting her while she works toward her goals, and loving her in ways that can't be bought. If my dad had understood that and shown me how good a man can be as a father and as a husband, I'd let him take part in my future wedding. But the reality of the situation is that he instead showed me what I don't want in a man.
That is why when I get married years from now, I will not be on his arm as he walks me down the aisle. He will not be the one to kiss my cheek before I step in front of the altar. He will not be the one who looks in my eyes with tears in his as I prepare to marry the man I love.
He will not have a part in giving me away because he already did so when I was twelve.
