I first made my Tinder profile back in March, about two months after I split from a long-time boyfriend. I honestly have no idea what I thought I was going to accomplish in doing this. I wasn't looking for anything serious, Lord knows I wasn't ready for that yet. I guess I was just looking for a few right swipes for confirmation that I was slightly aesthetically pleasing to men. Then, if one of those men actually decided to talk to me, I was going to see if I could maintain a normal human conversation with them. That seems pretty simple to most people, but I'm the person who snorts whenever a dude looks at me. So I guess I thought that maybe I could navigate myself a little better over the phone.

For a decent amount of time, that is exactly what Tinder did for me. I posted a few passable selfies, and I got a ton of right swipes. I'm not trying to sound conceited, I'm just saying it acted as the confidence boost that I really needed at the time. And, miraculously, I met a few half-decent guys because of it. After my breakup, I promised myself that I would appreciate every small victory that came my way. In some strange way, Tinder was a very small victory for me. For what it's worth, I learned how to sorta-kinda-almost flirt with other dudes again. That's something right? I'll take what I can get.

I need to be clear, though, what it did for me is pretty much the only good thing I know that has come out of Tinder. Tinder is described as a dating app. However every relationship I know that has come out of this "dating app" has lasted less than a few months at best. I read one website that called it, "Real life, but better." I will say this as many times as I have to, Tinder is not real life. It is pretty much the exact opposite of it.

Tinder is, by all standards, Chat Roulette under the guise of a dating app. Pretty much, the only thing that separates the two is that on Tinder you have a choice of who you talk to and there are less creepy guys asking to see pictures of your feet. It's only very slightly less weird. You still have to deal with the awkward conversations and terrible pickup lines. Not to mention, you have to base your entire first impression of somebody off of a few pictures and one ambiguous description underneath. And, even then, those are not the most reliable things in the world. I right-swiped one guy that had a few nice pictures and wrote an honest, sweet description of himself. However, conversation with him was the equivalent of talking to a damp piece of bread. It was tragic.

When you go on Tinder, you encounter a few very distinct kinds of guys. There's the business-savvy frat boy. His pictures include himself in a fancy suit in front of a city skyline and him posing with a group of friends that seem to model themselves off of 2011 Hollister ads. He's educated and, by God, he wants you to know that. Now the complete opposite of him is the humble musician type. He goes to school but in his spare time he plays in a band, and you know this because he has at least one black and white picture of himself with a guitar. He loves nature, will cook for dates, and just wants you to know that he really isn't like other guys. Type #3 I've just named "Tinder Shithead." Why? Because every picture he has is topless, the only things in his description are his Snapchat and his Instagram. He doesn't want you to know anything, and I bet 10 bucks he already has a girlfriend. Now this last type, he's a tough one. By all standards, he looks perfectly normal. You carry a normal conversation with and you think that you might actually be getting somewhere with him. But somewhere down the line, he finds a way to turn the conversation towards his penis. He will not stop talking about his penis, and it's all he wants you to think about. Basically, he's a covert scumbag.

In my short time on Tinder, I did meet a few genuinely nice guys. This was, of course, after sifting through an enormous pile of shit first. I could have met them in person if I really wanted to, but the fact of the matter is that at the time I just wasn't ready to. The one real gem that came out of this experience is that I met someone who has actually turned into a pretty good friend over these past few months. In the future things with us may happen, or they may not, either way, I really do enjoy talking to him. So, in all of its blatant weirdness, I guess Tinder isn't the absolute worst thing in the world. For the love of God, though, just don't expect to find true love from it. Seriously, it is Tinder.