Dating Someone On The Autistic Spectrum
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Swoon

Dating Someone On The Autism Spectrum Isn't Always Easy But My Boyfriend Makes It All Worth It

It's not what everyone thinks it's like, it's kind of just who he is and I love it.

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Birgetta Johnson
Birgetta Johnson

I am currently two years into a committed and loving relationship with my boyfriend, Gianni, as of this week, the twentieth of August!

I could not be any happier than I am now, it truly feels like I'm in love with my best friend. We have our ups and downs, we aren't perfect, but every day ends with an "I love you" and I wouldn't have it any other way. Relationships are tricky but in the end, you may find your "person."

Gianni is on the autistic spectrum, he has Asperger's syndrome. That sentence should not contradict anything I said before it because Gianni being on the spectrum is just who he is. Does that mean some things for him may be slightly different? Of course, it does. With that being said, he and everything that embodies who he is; is the man I fell in love with.

There are struggles in ever relationship due to the fact that your partnering with someone with a completely different walk of life than you.

You are never going to agree on everything, but you can control how you handle the disagreements. For us mainly we bump heads because we're both inherently stubborn and believe we're "always" right.

Sometimes Gianni doesn't understand what I'm feeling because it's difficult for him to read unspoken tone. I have learned it's best to take a breath and tell him "___ is bothering me because it makes me feel ___," because I can't expect anyone to be a mind-reader.

Other times I can't take his brutal honesty because as much as I love it sometimes it hurts to know the truth. I'm not telling you my struggles, our struggles, to make you pity him or me. I'm telling you because we're all human and we all have struggles nonetheless, ours can sometimes trace back to how our brains may work differently but they're still healthy struggles.

Relationships are all about learning how to be with someone who isn't yourself so a lot of times work is involved especially with things like insecurities, emotions, and jealousy which are completely normal feelings and emotions to experience and work on in your life. He has Aspergers but the root of our struggles are the base of many healthy struggles people deal with on a day-to-day basis.

Gianni has always said that his Aspergers isn't a disease, it's who he is.

To be honest, who he is, is what I love the most about him. I love that he's goofy and loud sometimes, he makes me smile and laugh at his jokes. I also love how straight up he can be because I really know he loves spending time with me when he says it.

Though brutal honesty is tough, it's almost a way you know they're honest people and don't lie to you very often. I also appreciate how intuitive he really can be, though he may struggle with reading unspoken communication he always knows when I'm upset or something is going on.

He also always knows how to be there for me and comfort me when I need it. He is an incredible human being and I seriously never even thought twice about loving him with my whole heart.

When he told me that he had Asperger's syndrome he was so nervous I'd be scared off, but that was the furthest thing from my mind. When he told me my response was a bit taken aback but I never had an issue with it because I knew it was just a part of who he is, and even then I knew I really liked who he is.

I can only speak to a degree about how him being on the spectrum is incorporated in our relationship, so I've asked Gianni for his take on his Aspergers and our relationship! When talking about the good and bad parts of it affecting our relationship he had essentially reiterated what I said about him sometimes having difficulty reading me.

He also said, "At times when I know she's upset, I'll ask why a bunch of times because I won't be 100% aware of if I caused it or not." He also told me he doesn't think being of the spectrum affects our good times, except for the fact that most people on the spectrum are very honest and rarely lie.

Gianni also opened up about what it's like telling friends and partners about being on the spectrum and his personal experiences. He talks about when opening up to friends or others in his past the reaction has been very passive aggressive and negative.

In his view, they start slowly removing themselves from his life to the point where they will avoid him. When he spoke about his experience with telling me he was on the spectrum he says it was very difficult for him. To quote him, he said "Telling you was incredibly difficult because of my past experiences, but to my surprise, you were very supportive and told me about your autistic brother. That gave me a huge amount of relief and it brought us that much closer."

My boyfriend is on the spectrum and that's never made me feel uncomfortable or think any less of him.

This is who he is and I adore the person he is and has become. if it's changed me in any way it's made me closer to him and more open-minded to the other people I cross paths with in life. He's made me a better person throughout our relationship and I don't regret any part of who we are as a couple.

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