Hi Nana,

It’s me, Kaitlyn.

I just wanted to tell you that I love you! I love you so much, more than I could ever explain.

I know things are different now, but that is not your fault. I will never stop loving you.

I cherish the time that we spent together, forever. I didn’t just have a nana, I had a bestfriend. I had someone that let me have cookies when mom didn’t. I had someone who would take me to the dollar store and let me buy toys to play with...(as a kid, this was like Christmas). I had someone who loved to have sleepovers, and watch movies with. I had someone who took me to plays downtown, and took me to kiddie parks to ride the mini- roller coasters. I had someone bring me lunch to school when I didn’t want the nasty cafeteria food. I had someone that kept mom sane when I got ready for school dances, or had sleepovers. I had you to give me advice on how to get through middle school. And, we had a deal. Whatever we did, we wouldn’t tell mom….It was our little secret.

It happened little by little. Then a little more...

Until one day--- everything changed.

I can’t remember the exact day that I ‘lost’ you. One second you were there, and the next… you were gone.

Your memory started to fade, and you started to forget. You forgot all of our good times, you forgot about all the sleepovers, all our memories, and every secret. I didn’t know that would be the last time everything would be perfect… I didn’t get to say goodbye.

Even though you are still with us, I miss you.

It hurts that you don’t know who I am anymore. After the amazing time we had together, I guess I just do not want to believe it is over…

That is the problem with Alzheimer’s, there is no hope of you ever getting better, no way out, no chance of us ever having another family outing with you.

I hate that you have to having a ‘good day’ for me to take you out.

I hate that we can’t sing in the car together anymore.

I hate that we can’t talk about old memories because it would overwhelm and confuse you. I can’t joke about hooking your finger with a fishing pole at the beach… And I hate that.

I know it’s hard.

I know it must be scary for you, because it’s scary for me.

I know it’s hard for you, It’s hard for our whole family.

But we know it is not your fault. Nor is it ours. It is not anyone’s. It just happened.

I will never forget that you looked after me when I could not look after myself. There were no doubt times when I was kicking and screaming, you felt like throwing your hands up in the air in despair and giving up- But you did not.

You showered me with love, with care and with patience.

The least I can do is return that in your hour of need.

I will always be here for you, as you were for me.

You will be in my heart forever and if, one day, I am half the grandma you were, I will be happy.

I love you forever…

Love, Kaitlyn… Your ‘doodlebug’