I remember my first attack like it was yesterday: shallow breathing, racing heart, shaking hands, tears. I remember the aftermath: unresponsiveness, heightened fear, anger. I also remember thinking that I would never, ever be the same again. In some ways, I was right, but not in the ways I imagined. Now, I always remember the day I realized that my anxiety gives me strength: explainable joy, relief, and, this time, happy tears.
If you live with the beast psychologists like to call anxiety, you understand the feelings I explained. You also need to know that you are not alone. Roughly 40 million people in the world suffer from some type of anxiety disorder, so it isn't surprising that it is the most common mental illness. That being said, anxiety doesn't have to define you. If you're like me, you may just need someone to tell you that anxiety is not as strong as you are. And that's a true statement.
You can win. Even if your panic attacks are like clockwork, even if they create hundreds of irrational fears, even if they make you feel so small, you can win. And, if you don't buy into that encouragement, there was a time when I didn't either. I thought I would never open up about my anxiety, and, even when I eventually had to, I always thought that I would have to preface every conversation with, "I'm sorry. It's my anxiety, not me." I lived in a constant state of dread for a long time because I was convinced that my attacks would stop me from living a happy and active life. I'm writing this article to tell you that I was wrong. And I have never been so excited about being wrong in my entire life.
The thing about anxiety is it demands attention from those who suffer from it. Whether it be in the airport, the classroom, or at work, when an attack comes on, it's hard to act like everything's okay. The other thing about anxiety is that laughter and ice cream and sunsets are all very good remedies for the crash that you feel during and after an attack. Of course, cute pictures of kittens don't always fix everything, but, if you smile just once, the effect is enough to calm the biggest storms. I've learned that the more you enjoy the life you've been given, even while anxiety rears its ugly head, the more life enjoys you too.
The verse that I go to most often concerning anxiety is in 2 Corinthians:
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9
I have chosen to gladly boast in my weakness, instead of letting it control me. I am stronger than my anxiety because I know that Christ's power resides in me. That means that during all of those moments when I feel like I won't be able to make it past that one attack or that one anxious tendency, Jesus has already made it past all of them for me and is waiting on the other side of the fence to pull me over. Christ is greater than your anxiety, and because of that truth, you are greater than your anxiety. You are so much stronger than the disease that attempts to control you. So next time your anxiety threatens to halt your happiness, remember that your joy comes from the Lord.
