Last Tuesday, I went to a local elementary school (my poling place), voted for Hilary Clinton (As you do, or I guess don't do) and made my way home and ate dinner with my parents. It was going to be a nice day. I talked to my parents about life. Then I managed to write half a script for a movie I needed to make with my friend. To top it all off, a movie I had been wanting to see, Moonlight, was playing not too far away. So my night was settled. I would drive to the theater, see my movie, and drive home knowing that the country was electing it's first female president.
As I was walking out of the theater. My perfect day was off. My friends and social media weren't saying good things. In fact they were saying some truly awful things. The world was a bit more fucked up than I thought it was. I then drove home listening to CNN talk about the events that were unfolding as I had a mild panic attack. I got home around midnight and saw my roommate/friend. He was writing the second half of the script for the movie. We sat down to talk about it as the election coverage played in the background. It was a comedy, but I was in no mood to be funny. We kept listening into the late hours of the night as the inevitable came true. Donald J. Trump, the host of the God Damn Celebrity Apprentice, a known misogynist, racist, homophobic... honestly, this list could go on forever. But yeah. He's our president. I was so scared for the country. My friends were making jokes and I thought this was arguably the least funniest moment in our lives. It was a bad time.
As all my friends were going to bed, my best friend in the house was just going to hang out in his room and watch Bob's Burgers. I was a bit needy and felt really bad about it. But I asked if I could join him and he said yes. Watching Bob's Burgers was probably the most relaxing thing that could have happened to me. For a few brief moments, the world melted away and I just got to watch positivity and humor. it was really relaxing and laughing with my friend was one of the best things that could have happened. But this was a brief distraction.
I woke up the next day miserable. The sun was out and the world didn't end. But holy shit was that positivity the farthest thing from my mind. I didn't want to get out of bed. In fact, I laid there for a good hour or two not really sleeping, not really anything, just trying to make sense of the world and what was going on. I managed to push myself out of bed and got to class.
In class, I sat next to a friend. She was stunned. She was terrified of what had happened the night before. She is Bisexual and was fearful for her rights. I felt terrible. She felt unsafe and just hearing her worries made me sad. But I felt similarly. It was actually really cathartic just talking to someone else about this. It was all anyone was thinking about. It also reminded me that I was far from alone.
The day continued with highs and lows. Moments I forgot about the outside world, and other times where it was all I was thinking about. But when I got home. After feeling so much fear. I knew I couldn't feel that way forever. So I did the only thing I could think of. I signed up to start volunteering at a local LGBTQ center. It's time I started giving back. And if you are of a similar mind to myself. I recommend it. Because if we want to keep the country together, then we need to get to fucking work.
