Coachella may seem like the hip and happening place where all your friends are, but if you can't make it to this year's festival, don't fret -- you probably did yourself a favor. Coachella is great, don't get me wrong, but if you find yourself in my position (at home watching "Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" on Netflix while your whole friend group is enjoying their three days in Indio, California), it might seem kind of lonesome. But there are so many reasons why Coachella kinda sucks (even though it has an awesome lineup). So to make myself, as well as you, the readers, feel better, here are some reasons why you shouldn't be sad about missing Coachella this year:
1. The Dirt
OK, no one wants to be covered in dirt. No one. Unless that's your thing. But for me, and any other normal, hygienic person, dirt is a no-go. The whole festival you're surrounded by dirt in the middle of the dessert. You inhale dirt, you walk around in dirt, and you're probably consuming dirt particles in the food you buy. So don't be sad that you can't be there with your friends among piles and piles of dirt.
2. The Heat
If you think you can avoid pit stains at Coachella, you're wrong. There's no way around it. Think about it: The desert, plus thousands of people cramped into the Sahara Tent just makes for a giant sauna. And with the heat, let's not forget the sun. It's only day one, and 30 minutes into Coachella and chill, and you already have a sunburn.
3. The Expenses
If you're not a Kardashian, there's a chance the Coachella experience might be a pricey one for you. We're talking the actual ticket, a place to sleep, transportation, the wardrobe, other miscellaneous expenses -- it's just adding onto one huge tab. And as college students, we have to prioritize where our money should be going: Spotify premium and takeout.
4. The Sick Factor
And when the Coachella experience is all said and done, there's a good chance you'll catch a cold or get sick in some form. It's just a given. Large amounts of people stacked on top of each other, plus their sweat, plus a lot of dirt, plus probable dehydration just equals a weakened immune system.
5. The F*ck Boys
Seriously, just don't be with that guy. You know, the one that wears fraternity letters to a music festival, the dude that's obnoxiously loud, or the guy who's shirtless in neon shorts with a fanny pack and bucket hat. Honestly, this is just a life rule in general. Avoid them at all costs.
