As much as us humans have some sort of control over what clothes we wear, who we speak to, where we shop, our jobs, if we have a flower garden or a vegetable patch, how much forest gets cut down… there are still some things that individuals will never be able to control-- the weather, where we were born, if the train is running on time or not, and the actions, thoughts, and feelings of other people. And you know what? Sometimes, other humans make it a game to find the best ways to get under your skin and make your life miserable. They’ll go out of their way to press your buttons. Sometimes, they’ll succeed. For those times, while you might want nothing more than to go home and curl up with a pint of ice cream and a package of cookies and act the part of the victim in the situation, it’s not a healthy way of processing emotions. Everyone has different methods that work best for them, but these are some of the ones I have found to be the most helpful.
1. Buy that ice cream, but make sure you get active the next day.
I enjoy cookie dough as much as the next person, and sometimes ice cream is the bandaid your heart needs, but if I’m still a lump of sadness the next day, more ice cream is just going to keep things going poorly. I like pulling my rollerblades out of the closet and doing a five mile trip to get my energy levels back up and myself out of whatever funk it might be.
2. Take a warm shower, and cry it out.
Seriously. Don’t underestimate the power of a warm shower or bath. Being able to relax your muscles and let go of whatever tension is hiding in your bones is an incredibly relaxing, healing process. The shower is also a very safe place to let some tears out, especially as the steam envelopes you in a comforting, effervescent hug.
3. Talk to someone about how you’re feeling, or not.
Being upset is a process that sometimes, you can’t handle on your own. Personally, I have found that 24 hours is how long my moping tends to last. If I talk to someone during that time, they’ve been entrusted with the role of comforter. Post- 24 hours, the thing that was bothering me is the last thing I want to talk about, and I want to hear about things completely unrelated to my problem. It’s something that I can deal with on my own now, and I’ll ask for help if I need it.
4. Write that person a letter, read it out loud, rip it up, and throw it out.
Sometimes, the best way to process feelings is to write to that person as if they were going to read it. Something about the act of writing down how you feel about a person or situation is majorly therapeutic and can help you make sense of murky feelings. This doesn’t have to just be for negative things! I’ve written just as many positively-charged letters that were never shared and were incredibly helpful in feeling better about situations.
5. Sing along to your “power song” as loud as you can.
Whether it’s something that gets your blood going, a hard song to sing to, or one of those “trains-the-whole-army-in-four-minutes” type songs, it doesn’t matter. What matters is the rise in your happiness level. Recently, I’ve been slightly obsessive over the soundtrack for the broadway musical Hamilton, and once I learned the words to the song “Guns and Ships” (it has a really intense, fast part) it became my go-to pick me up. Singing along can help you distance yourself from whatever issues you might be having, and sometimes that’s exactly what you need.
6. Watch a cute animal video on youtube.
It’s next to impossible to be upset when there’s a kitten meowing at you from the screen or a puppy looking at you with big eyes. Just trust me on this one.
7. Clean your room and organize your schedule.
Being able to look at your time with a clear head helps to visualize what you have time for. Deep cleaning, not just moving stuff around, is one of the best ways to clear emotions. It’s a way of letting go of the past and clearing space for new experiences and new memories. Organizing your schedule lets you get a much clearer head about the next thing to do or where you have time to do personal projects or make plans with friends.
8. Realize that they don’t know what they’re missing out on.
Whoever the person might be, they removed themselves from your life. You’re not obligated to keep them in it if they don’t want to be part of it. This means that they don’t get to be part the audience to your wonderful stories, attend your gallery openings, or be part of your future triumphs.
9. It’s okay to miss them.
Whoever this person was, they were probably there for a big chunk of your growth. They were probably a pivotal figure in some of it too, and it’s just as important to be able to recognize that yes, there might be a hole where they used to be, but that hole isn’t emptiness- it’s space for yourself to grow and blossom into a better version of yourself.
