When I started to roll my suitcase up the path to Smith College's Hubbard House, the wheels clunking against the wooden porch, I counted each trip up and down the narrow staircase as if it were a countdown to complete separation. After I had moved in, my parents would be back on the road to New York and I would be on my own for the first time. While being in college is hardly as "free" as some like to imagine it, there was a sense of solitude that came over me as I clipped the last photo to the wall. Even though I found myself in a house community with about 50 people in it, and in a first year class of about 600, the first day of college was terribly lonely.
As I walked through campus, going over the mental to-do list I had created for myself, I could not help but be overwhelmed by all that being on my own meant. From laundry, to caring for myself, to even just making my bed by my own free will, not having my parents to watch out for me every step of the way was something completely new. Feeling overwhelmed at the idea of being on your own is expected and can be a hard pill to swallow. Three hours away from home, I can no longer take the subway at the end of the school day and come to a home-cooked meal and the bed I have slept in since childhood. As cozy and welcoming as Hubbard House might be, it is still quite the adjustment.
While homesickness has not exactly hit me yet, I do feel distraught every now and then at the thought of all that I have to face in the months ahead. The prospects of keeping my own money in check and being in charge of what I do in my free time is both exciting and a bit scary. However, I also must keep in mind how lucky I am to be able to have these problems that come along with a college education when there are others who are not able to receive such an opportunity.
Keeping my anxiety and worries in check is no simple task. It is very easy for it all to come back to the front of my mind and distract me from the everyday situations right in front of me. As I make progress in my first year and as the semester moves forward, it is absolutely crucial to keep in mind that keeping calm can help me accomplish almost anything. It is important to keep in mind that I am not alone in my anxieties and that I have an overwhelmingly supportive community at Smith to turn to if I need anything. By connecting with other students and maintaining healthy relationships (with my peers, professors and even with myself), my first year at college will fly by and be a success.
