There was an article that was shared across my Facebook all week about the new movie “Fifty Shades Darker”, starring Jamie Dornan, and Dakota Johnson. The article has most definitely sparked some controversy among several individuals, including myself. I wasn’t going to read it at first, but there was a comment that really upset me: “If you can applaud and condone a movie about pre-marital sex, not love or relationship, just straight up porn basically, then no your standards as a Christian are not high enough. That’s not me being judgmental, that is called I read my Bible, and actually do what it says.”
My jaw completely dropped to the floor in shock, and even more after I read the article due to the fact this movie is NOT abuse, NOT empowering, IT IS fictional and fantasy. This article in big bold letters “Fifty Shades Darker Isn't Empowering, It's Abuse.” (Roper,C: Huffington Post UK) would have been an article I would just have to say to myself “Agree to Disagree”. But the comment that was made, along with many others really triggered a defense area for me personally.
Responding to “If you can applaud and condone a movie about pre-marital sex, not love or relationship, just straight up porn basically, then no your standards as a Christian are not high enough. That’s not me being judgmental, that is called I read my Bible, and actually do what it says.” (*insert deep breath here*) I just really want to say, “Thank You for letting me know that because of a movie that I chose to watch (even having an extremely strong faith) that my standards of Christianity aren’t high enough. I personally might be caught up on this comment a little too much, but the fact is I was being judged for seeing a movie and “supposedly” applauding and condoning pre-marital sex.
This reminds me of a verse in James 4:12, “There is only one Lawgiver, and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you---who are you to judge your neighbor?” With that verse being pointed out, I want to say I read the Bible as well, very often actually, but that does not mean I “actually do what it says.” I am human, I fail, I make mistakes daily, but God’s love is unconditional. He always forgives me for my sins before I even forgive myself.
If you really did what was written in the Bible, then you would be God, which none of us are. So, if this movie makes my standards for my Christianity low, then maybe you, myself, and everyone else in society don’t need to watch TV in general. Every show has sex in it somewhere (unmarried, married, even while you’re married. Also, let’s throw in there TV shows that promote dating up to 20 different girls to find “love.” This is just a hand full of shows. Children’s show have dirty jokes in them, and even Christian movies have some of these topics I mentioned.)
There were several different comments from others stating that this movie was about abuse. The definition of abuse, found in the dictionary, is to commit sexual assault without consent. (Also, rape); to treat harmful, injurious, or offensive way. BDSM (Bondage Discipline Sadism and Masochism) is what Christian’s full intensions were with Anastasia. I will say Christian Grey can be controlling, but even at the very beginning of the movie Anastacia might have been love dazed but doesn’t let him control her completely, she had an incredible amount of say in it all. BDSM isn’t abuse if there is verbal consent, or a written one.
Being that I do have a strong Faith, I don’t believe that their relationship is healthy at all, nor one I would ever want to have. As a writer who wears her heart on her sleeve, seeing both films there is a much deeper underlying story that not many people see. Not many people see the story because the lust does overpower their body.You should be very opened minded when seeing this film. This man was abused as a child even up into his adulthood, and found someone to make him a better person, and be his other half. Granted sex is not a way to escape, it’s the only thing he ever really knew. Just like abuse and rape victims in real life.
Being a rape victim and in an abusive relationship at a younger age, I have a little different viewing of it. When you’ve been abused and/or raped, it hits you like a ton of bricks all at once. You don’t know where to turn, and are too scared to tell anyone. You are scared to be alone. After so long not talking about it, trying to stuff it down, you are reliving the nightmares. After all the stuffing, and reliving, you eventually become so numb that you start the cycle over again, but this time the roles are reversed.
I can see where some researchers that analyze films could pick up on certain emotions, and characteristics that can be classified as abuse, but if you haven’t been in the shoes of the real thing, you can’t really justify saying what abuse really is.
Those who suffer from being raped, or the cycle isn’t broken, there is help out there. You shouldn’t go through it alone. Please reach out to the rape crisis center if you feel you have no one has home to tell.
24 hour hotline: 210-349-7273
If you have or are currently going through an abusive relationship (mentally, physically, emotionally) you should reach out for help immediately. It starts with emotional, and can progress from there.