If you are a woman in your childbearing years, there is a high chance that people ask you when (not if) you are going to have children. It is a ridiculous and dated question based on a societal belief that women have to be mothers and men do not have to be fathers. This belief exists because of our long patriarchal history that defines women through their relations (i.e. mother, wife) and men through their achievements (i.e. teacher, businessman).
Jumping on the bandwagon and believing that women should be mothers is damaging to the idea of a woman’s worth. If society requires women to be mothers, then society is suggesting that women are not complete or worthy until they have children. Contrary to societal belief, womanhood does not equate to motherhood--- not even in the slightest.
A woman is a fully complete and worthy human being by herself. She has thoughts, ideas, a distinctive personality, strengths, weaknesses, successes, failures, intelligence, beauty, and more. A woman does not need a child to step into the category of person-hood. Additionally, a woman is able to choose whether or not she wants to have a child.
Let me say this again: a woman is able to choose whether or not she wants to have a child. When a woman chooses not to have a child, she is not wrong, selfish, or meaningless. If you are asking how this is possible, let me explain.
- Because a woman has the ability to reason, make decisions, and express bodily autonomy. She has the right to decide what happens to her life and to her body. Her decision to be child-free is not wrong because she chose what is best for her.
- A woman is not being selfish when she chooses to remain child-free. To all the parents out there who brand women without children as “selfish,” what made you want to have a child? All of the typical answers (i.e. wanting to raise a family, wanting to carry on the family name, wanting to have someone to care for you when you’re older) are selfish answers because you want something out of having a child.
- A woman is not meaningless for choosing to be child-free. One of the most common statements a woman hears after she declares that she does not want to bear children is, “But my life has meaning now that I’m a mother.” This idea suggests that a woman without a child is meaningless, which is not the case. Of course, there is nothing wrong if a woman finds something meaningful or special about being a mother. However, it is wrong to force the idea that motherhood is the absolute meaning of existence down every woman’s throat. Women are not baby machines; they are capable of doing things beyond bearing a child. A woman who chooses not to have children is pursuing something else that gives her life meaning.
Even though the number of child-free women is increasing more than ever across all races, there are many people who still hold on to archaic stereotypes that belittle women for their choice. One in five American women will not have a child, and research has proven that the number of women who choose not to have a child and the number of women who cannot have a child are equal.
When we lecture a woman on why she is wrong for choosing not to bear children, we assume that our views are the only views to have, and we strip away her rights as a human being to make her own choices. It is degrading, disrespectful, invasive, and altogether wrong to belittle and chide women for not wanting to have children. There is one simple solution to this problem: acknowledge that motherhood is a choice, not a requirement.
